30 posts in 30 days Archives - Better Than Newlyweds

Your Expectations…were wrong. :)

May 24, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

When you were dating your spouse… did you think about if they liked their toilet paper over or under? (I actually asked my spouse this before we got married!… but I’m odd!) Did you talk about house decorating and each of your styles? Did you talk about things you do differently or feel differently about? I’m guessing that during the dating stage most of the conversations were about the things you agreed on and had in common. 🙂 While dating we are ignorant to the realities of marriage and our expectations are not the reality. The reality is that you will NOT always agree and you will do things differently. The trick to a happy marriage in spite of your differences is to find a compromise and to embrace the differences. My husband and I do not always agree on house decor. Since we just bought our house a few months ago that has been something we have had to decide on a bit lately. I realized that I have to compromise some and he has realized that he needs to trust me (and my decor instinct) more! 😀 Also, it is good to remember the things you fell in Love with while you were dating… all those goofy things and cute little habits your spouse has…don’t let them become normal…take delight in them everyday. One day they may be gone and you will miss them. Treasure each day. 🙂 – Stacy

Expect differences. You are two different people. You have different likes and dislikes. You will see the world in different ways. You will problem solve differently. This is reality. Differences will exist, and sometimes they will cause conflict.

via Change Your Expectations – Christian Relationships, Marriage, Husband & Wife.

Don’t avoid talking about sex. | Better Than Newlyweds | Stacy Hudson

May 24, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

I read the other day somewhere that sex is a totally different thing for men than what women think is it for men. They said that women take the advances of men and equate them to basically an animal. But they said for men it was more of the desire to be with the one they Love. I know in a marriage it’s hard to talk about some things. Sex can be one of those things. But I also know that God gave us sex…within the boundaries of marriage to be a beautiful thing. Yes sex takes a lot of energy and its not always convenient but isn’t that just like a lot of other things we make time for in our lives? If we can make time to watch the shows we recorded we can make time for our spouse.

If your spouse initiates sex…but in a way that is really not appealing to you…tell them in a polite way. If you would rather them do something more romantic to “get in the mood”… let them know a song they could put on for you… or movie you might like to watch together and cuddle during. Or if you would rather your spouse be more direct… let them know that you would enjoy if every now and then they would just grab you and kiss you…like when you were dating or newlyweds.

Sex is something special. A husband and wife become one. The two are connected on a physical level and a spiritual level at the same time. There is a reason God reserved sex for marriage and it is because it a beautiful gift unlike any other that husbands and wives can give to each other…without the fear of rejection. If you can’t be your true self with your spouse… then who can you do that with? And if you don’t feel like you can be your true self with your spouse… sit down and talk with them about why you feel that way. Sex…I really should call it making Love…should be more about reconnecting with your spouse than anything physically pleasing. Think of it as a conversation with no words. What do you actions tell your spouse? Do they say I Love you and I put your needs (not just in the bedroom) before my own. Do they say I think you are amazing and I am so blessed to be married to you? Do they say…I desire you above everything else? – Stacy

Is your lovemaking out of balance? This is a touchy topic but if your spouse is almost always the one who initiates physical intimacy, he or she may not be really satisfied – even if you say “Yes.” The real desire is to be desired. Take the first step. via Daily Marriage Tip « For Your Marriage.

I’ve got to brag on my husband for a minute!

May 20, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

So for those who aren’t aware let me take a minute to put a little back story on this post… On Dec. 15th of last year my parents house burned down. They made it out safely by the grace of God but the house had to be knocked down and all that is left now is the slab. They are living with my grandmother for the time being until they finish rebuilding their house.

OK! …soooo yesterday we were hanging out with family after church after lunch and the topic of their yard came up and how the grass was so overgrown and it needed to be cut! My dad does not have a lawn mower anymore because it was in the garage during the fire and the garage is where the fire started.

Well, this morning my Love got up early and went to their land and mowed their grass! I am so blessed to be married to a man with a servant’s heart.

Here is the picture my mom shared on Facebook with her caption:

He is just a nice guy… so he just does stuff like this and probably doesn’t really know how much it means to me or to my parents. It means a lot to me that he would take his time and his energy to do this for my folks. They have a lot on their plate right now with figuring out their inventory for insurance and with getting the house plans finalized so they can begin to rebuild. So, the yard being neglected…even though it was on their to do list and in the back of their mind… was not a priority because they need to focus on the house inventory and plans. Him doing this took a little weight off their shoulders during a stressful time and to me… that means a lot. I Love him for so many reasons… his servant’s heart is just one of them.

Take a minute and brag on your spouse by answering the questions below!

PLEASE COMMENT BELOW:

What are some reasons that you Love your spouse?

What sweet things have they done for you?

Every Complaint is An Opportunity with Dr. David

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

No one likes to hear someone complain about them! But what if our outlook on a complaint could be shifted. What if we tried to see every complaint as “constructive criticism” even if it was not given in a constructive manner. When our spouses complain…it is usually because something has happened more than once and given them reason enough to complain. If they keep complaining about the same thing… it’s probably because you didn’t listen the first time and nothing has changed.

In my own marriage… I try to complain in a constructive way! Let me see if I can explain… I try to point out things to avoid future issues. If he doesn’t know something bothers me… how can he avoid doing it? I think women sometimes think that men think like us… and that if we huff about something he will get the clue. Well ladies, he won’t! He is not one of your girlfriends who speaks the same women talk that you do. So… if he does something that bothers you…politely ask him if it would be a huge deal if he did it another way… or maybe not at all? It depends on the issue. Whatever happens be sure to listen to him. And be open to him doing the same to you. Maybe even invite him to do so and DO NOT bite his head off or he won’t ever feel the freedom to do it again! We want to be flexible in our marriages and help each other grow… and we want the other to be happy! Below are some steps on handling complaints from Dr. David! 😀

– Stacy

First, ignore complaints at your own peril. While you may not like your mate’s complaints they will rarely simply go away. In fact, if they do ‘go away,’ they are likely going underground, only to resurface in the form of resentment, stonewalling, distance, depression and ultimately, emotional and physical leaving.

Second, every complaint has at least a kernel of truth to it. While none of us likes to hear complaints, they contain vital information. Rarely, if ever, does our mate complain about nothing of importance. We may try to dismiss it as frivolous, ‘ridiculous,’ or ‘wild,’ but this is denial and defensiveness on our parts. These complaints come from a place of woundedness or unhappiness in our mate. There is wisdom embedded in the complaint.

Scripture tells us that God examines our heart: “God searches the heart and examines the mind” (Jeremiah 17: 10). What if we were to take on that same attitude with our mate, listening intently to their heart and mind? What are they trying to say to us? Why are they telling us what they are saying?

Third, every complaint is an opportunity. Not only are complaints not something to ignore and avoid, but they are to be embraced and considered. We must, with a non-defensive heart, listen to what they are trying to say, albeit not always in the best way? What is their concern? Are you listening and trying to fully embrace them and their concern? Are you asking for even more information?

Finally, utilize their complaint as an opportunity for change. Thank your mate for sharing their concerns. Reassure them that you are listening and deeply care about their concerns. Let them know that their concerns are landing in a soft place, a place where you will examine them and prepare for needed change. Reassure them that they can share any concerns with you in the future.

Every complaint is an opportunity for change, a chance to not become defensive and turn the tables on them. This is a chance to show you are big enough to hear concerns and change. If you are willing to face issues head on, and change, you will win your mate’s heart and anchor a healthy relationship. With an open heart and willing attitude, growth occurs. This is a winning attitude!

via Every Complaint is An Opportunity, Dr. David, Christian Marriage Help and Advice.

Touch Your Spouse’s Heart with the Power of a Note

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

I am a words person. I Love the written word as well as the spoken. I listen carefully to the words people use as it says a lot about them. I really Love to leave notes for Dwight… I think partly because I hope he will write me back! Yes… it sounds a little like middle school BUT the childlike aspect of it all is fun and keeps our Love growing.

The impact our notes can have on our spouses is amazing… we are their partner… so when they have a bad day it is probably going to end up impacting us as well! So be supportive…and encouraging. Leave your spouse a note today… a sweet note… short and simple. Let us know how your spouse reacts! 😀 – Stacy

“We all have days that make us want to blow (women probably more than men, I would say!). Stifled anger, stored-up insults, tensions and pressures, hormones and sugar lows. And it’s natural to just blow and get it all out. But that often occurs at the expense of those whom we love the most.

What if, during those difficult days, you could remember something at the core of your being? You are loved. Not just by your spouse, but by the Author of Love, the One who gave Himself for you so that you might live eternally with Him. The God who would rather die than live without you found a way to make you His own.

What if – on those days that your wife is really having a hard time – you found a way to remind her that she is loved? What if – during those times that your man is under extreme pressure and coming up with few words for you –you found some extra meaningful words for him? What if you both realized, in the fiery pit of everyday tensions, the power of a note?”

via Touch Your Spouse’s Heart with the Power of a Note , Christian Engagement, Newlywed Couples.

AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE