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Better Than Newlyweds

Where the Honeymoon never ends!

If We’re Honest About Past Hurts | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

May 9, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

God has been dealing with me lately about friendships. And I don’t mean casual friendships. I’m not even talking about close friends. I am talking about the kind of relationship that makes a person family. A friendship where the blood of Christ makes you sisters. The kind of friendships I think we all desire to have.

I’ve been wondering why God would have me share so much lately about friendship (or rather the unexplainable sisterhood thru Jesus) here where the focus is marriage. It is simple but yet complex … we need those kind of relationships to grow. We need those kind of relationships to turn us back to Jesus during hard times. We need them during hard times in our marriages to turn us back to our husbands.

God has been dealing with me about this because I (and many of you) have been hurt by friends in the past. The thing with those past hurts is that we usually don’t leave them in the past. Almost 2 years ago God led me to an incredible Bible Study group full of Jesus Loving, Holy Spirit Filled, Devil Stompin’, Lay it at His feet ladies. They have blessed my life more than I could ever put into words. YET… I still had reservations… doubts… because of past hurts. I did not…. do not…. want a repeat of the pain I felt before.

I had already given forgiveness and I am not bitter. And I really don’t think about the past hurts. So what was my problem? I didn’t think I had one until God decided it was time to stir the pot. Time to deal with the gunk at the bottom. The stuff that you can’t see once everything settles. I have friends… but God wanted me to not only have them but trust them. And not just trust them but trust them fully.

Once I surrendered to God… and was honest with myself about how I approach friendships. He was quick to show me that, while I was sitting here doubting a friend who had given me no reason to doubt them, I was putting my past hurts on my present friends. Friends who have given me no reason not to trust them or give them the benefit of the doubt. Friends who have gone to battle with me at the feet of Jesus. Friends who have done nothing but Love on me and pray for me.

I was still telling God that these friendships were “as good as they could get” but I wasn’t satisfied and God knew my heart. I got frustrated and I was pushing back against the thing I wanted… deeper friendships… covered in the blood. I told Him the friendships had reached their peak.

I didn’t want to push it…and put too much in the friendships and lose something I treasured… again.

BUT God.

He didn’t give up on me. He never gives up on me. He won’t give up on you either.

After much stubbornness He made me realize that they had peaked because of me… not them. That I was the one putting old hurts ON them. I was the one second guessing their actions and motives because of something someone else did… NOT them. And that my pain was in the past NOT the present. I was the one pushing back against God when He was trying to give me what I wanted. That was the gunk at the bottom of my pot.

This song  sums it up beautifully:

 

 

I had shared all of what I’ve posted above with my husband late one Saturday night. The next day our pastor shared a verse during her sermon that my husband illuminated for me:

24 Give freely and become more wealthy;
    be stingy and lose everything.

25 The generous will prosper;
    those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. 

Proverbs 11:24-25

492 May 09, 2016 03.31

My husband leans over to me and says “that can be for friendship too”… all I could do was grin and give him a kiss. I had never read that verse and thought about friendship. (Swoon and Wow.)

A friend in college used to tell me that I refreshed others like in verse 25. She actually called me a “downy sheet”. However, after being let down and hurt by friends my walls went up.  Again, God knew my heart. Since He has placed me in this Holy Sisterhood the walls have come down and I feel like a “downy sheet” again. Each time I have given freely in these new friendships God has been faithful and these friendships have prospered. I am able to refresh others again. That was difficult to do behind the walls I had built.

If I have learned one thing from being in this group it is that it scares the devil when women gather to pray. When we press in to God together of course he is going to try and bring division and isolation… and walls. He knows that something special happens when we stand in agreement with each other and declare that our pains and hurts are nailed to the cross and it is finished. In the end it is about walking in freedom with God first so we can then walk in freedom in our friendships and bring Him glory.

*Below you will find my affiliate link to a book I think can help you deal with past hurts and grow:

Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely205876
By Lysa TerKeurst

Rejection often finds its way into our hearts at an early age. Perhaps as a child you were teased mercilessly for your hair or clothes, or you received an injury and couldn’t play the sport you loved and had to watch from the sidelines, or maybe like Lysa TerKeurst, an adult who should have cared for you and nurtured you, left without explanation. These wounds dig deep into our sense of self, and can resurface in surprising ways as an adult. However, this doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

In Uninvited, Lysa shares honestly from her own struggles with rejection and gives readers concrete truths to combat the lies our old Enemy hurls our way. You can stop feeling left out, because even when you are overlooked by others, you are handpicked by God. You can change your tendencies to either fall apart or control the actions of others by adopting healthy ways to process your hurt. You are designed for a love without limits, a love that will never let go.

 

Filed Under: Better Friend, Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: friends, God, heart, Jesus Loving

Don’t live a less than life! | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

May 2, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

At several points in my life I have had to put myself out there if I wanted to make new friends. I had to make a choice to not live a less than life. The earliest I can remember would be when I left my hometown and went to college. I only moved an hour away BUT and hour felt like an eternity while sitting alone in my dorm room. I had left behind my family and my friends from high school. I knew no one at my new school. But God knew me and where I needed to be.

Thank God for a group on campus called Chi Alpha. On my move in day they were helping people move in to the dorms. One of them was very observant and noticed that I had a shirt on from my church and struck up a conversation with me. Her name was Meeke. And to be honest… I don’t remember the conversation. What I DO remember is that a few days later on campus I hear my name being called from a ways behind me… so I turn and there she is! She remembered my name… that really surprised me. We walked back to the dorm together and she invited me to Chi Alpha’s weekly Thursday night meeting. I was sort of hesitant but she said she would save me a seat. She had done her part. She had done all she could… aside from dragging me there! It was now up to me.

Stepping out and trying new things… new people… is never easy. At least the first step isn’t. In my life I have found that if I trust God and am obedient and just take that first step… God has already lined up amazing things for me! I just had to knock down that first domino! And man that can be hard! 🙂

So, I went to the Chi Alpha meeting… TNL (Thursday Night Live) is what it was called then. That night changed my life. She saved me a seat… she really saved me a seat! And I don’t know if I ever told her this but… that night was a turning point for me. I already knew God and believed in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross. I knew then that I would go to Heaven if I died. So I didn’t get “saved” that night. But… I got saved from a less than life.

My eyes were opened wider than ever before to see God for who He really is and the big and wonderful plans He had for my life. I started to experience His amazing Love and the deep fellowship that came with being true brothers and sisters in Christ in a way I never had before.  It was in Chi Alpha (XA) that I formed amazing friendships and a life long bond thru experiences with some that will last forever. It was in XA that I got filled with the Holy Spirit. It was in XA that I was taught how and began leading a Ladies Bible Study. It was in XA that I led worship for my mission trip team for the first time. It was in XA that I led a mission trip for the first time! It was in XA that I learned how important it is to really step out. After experiencing all God showed me then I never wanted to live a less than life again. And God didn’t want me to.

search boat offset

God used Chi Alpha and all the amazing things that happened in my life during my time there… to teach me that I am not meant to go through life alone. That friends are important.  And that faithful friends are worth the search. Over and over again… they are worth the search.

I will search for faithful people
    to be my companions. Psalm 101:6

Faithful friends who will pray for you as if your need was their own, who will Love you thru your brokenness, and who will hold your hands up when you are too weak.

Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. Exodus 17:12

If every time life has thrown me a curve ball… I had just retreated to the dug out… I would have missed out on sooo much.

If when I had to suddenly uproot my life and move back home… I had just hidden myself away to avoid hurt or being let down again… I would have missed meeting my husband.

If when I was dealing with traumatic things involving my family… I had let myself put walls up to keep from sharing too much with new friends…in order to avoid getting hurt again… I would have missed the opportunity to trust again. 

I now realize not every pitch is a curve ball. And I am probably missing out on a home run if I just sit “safely” in the dug out! I am also not enjoying the game if I am stuck on the bench. Forgive the cheesy analogy BUT… it’s true!

The devil wants nothing more than for you to do… nothing. 
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You could be the home run hitter on your team but if you stay in the dug out… it doesn’t matter. 

In the body of Christ… we need each other. We are meant to operate together to fulfill God’s purposes. We are not meant to live a less than life. 

And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,12for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; 13until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. 14As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. Eph.4:11-16

Don’t live a less than life! Do whatever you have to do to be a part of the body. Search until you find faithful people to be your companions! Do not sit in the dug out and miss the point! Don’t miss all that God has for you! Don’t live a less than life! Find a Bible study to join… one full of the Word and overflowing with God’s Love and evidence of the Holy Spirit.

What are you waiting for? I waited because I was scared. I should have searched for “Faithful People” so much sooner than I did. I was living a less than life. The devil had me worried about getting hurt again… but my sitting in the dug out not only hurt me but also the body of Christ. 

We were not meant to live a less than life. Jesus died for us so that we could have life and life abundantly!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

 

 

Filed Under: Better Friend, Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: body of christ, chi alpha, college, friends, less than life, Thank God, xa

We All Need Friends Who Will Pray Us Through | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

February 29, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Thursday nights I put on real clothes and sometimes even fix my hair! I don’t wear “real clothes” all day at home with a 10 month old who could dirty my entire outfit without even breaking a sweat! I am usually in sweats! Same thing for the hair. Most days I don’t bother because she is either going to pull it all out or slobber it all up! I put on real clothes and sometimes even fix my hair on Thursdays because I attend a ladies small group Bible study. I sometimes fix my hair because I don’t always get to shower with enough time for it dry and be fixed. On those nights my sunglasses serve as a head band… 🙂 But my friends understand!

One of the awesome things about this group of ladies is that not one of these friends would care if I actually showed up in my sweats! I put on real clothes though because sometimes this is the first time I’ve left the house since Sunday for church… and “real clothes” feel nice. I Love that I get to spend time with these amazing women each week. I Love even more that I get to spend it with them praising and seeking Jesus. He is the center and our reason for meeting.

My husband Loves that I spend time seeking Jesus as well. In the beginning it was hard for me to think about doing it every week… leaving our baby and husband every Thursday. BUT… after my very first time I knew I needed to make this a priority. I knew I was right where God wanted me to be at just the right time. My husband noticed a difference in me as well and always encourages me to go.

This past week our group leader asked me to write a testimony about the group and how it has impacted me. It was originally intended to possibly be read at an event at our church but the event was canceled. However, when I let my husband read it he said I needed to let somebody read it! So, I am sharing it with you here on my blog. Funny thing is that part of it touches on my blog and my fear of stepping out and writing… BUT GOD… here it is:

God absolutely led me to this group. The first time I went was the day I found out my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was pregnant with our first child, her first grand child, and God provided real friendship and support when I needed it most. These ladies, my sisters, prayed with me and for me as if my struggles were their own.

It has been over a year now that I have been a part of this amazing group of ladies and God continues to show up and show off every Thursday when we meet. He has provided the perfect environment for me to grow as a wife and a new mom by investing in my relationship with Him.

Because of this group, and how God has grown me through the Bible studies we have done, I have stepped into my calling as a writer. I feared failure before but God has shown me that if I would just “be with Him” He will “send me out”. ( Mark 3:14 ) He will send my words where they need to be read for His glory! Without the prayers and encouragement of my sisters in Christ… I would still be selfishly keeping my words to myself in fear of rejection. What glory did God get from that?

Mark 3:14

And He appointed twelve, so that they would be with Him and that He could send them out to preach,

 

Are you in a small group? If not, I challenge you to find one to try out. This group has changed my life and I Thank God for them daily. Life is hard. We all need friends who will pray us through. I am better wife and mother for having been a part of this group. My marriage is better also!

In what ways has a small group impacted your life? I would Love to hear your testimony! Comment below.

P.S. My mom is now cancer free living in her dream house loving on her grand baby! Thank You Jesus!

Filed Under: Better Friend, Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: friends, God, life, Mark 3:14

JUST SAY “THANK YOU” BECAUSE YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE | Better Than Newlyweds | Stacy Hudson

February 1, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made! Do you believe that?

Someone says “you look great today!” and the person replies “oh my goodness no I’ve got bags under my eyes and this shirt is so old!” Sound familiar? Why do women do this? Whether I am hanging out with family, friends, or even at Bible study… I always hear at least one…usually many more… comments like this!

In a world that fills our heads with ideas of what we are supposed to be… we need to stand firm on what the Bible tells us we are!

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;    your works are wonderful,    I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made! Does that make you stand up a little straighter? I hope so! This is just one of the many Bible verses that should help us curb our self hate talk.

Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

Hebrews 10:35-36

DO NOT throw away your confidence! This means you should have some! And you will need confidence and endurance to accomplish the will of God in your life! Not only that but then you can receive what is promised!

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

YOU NEED confidence to draw near to the throne of grace! We all need mercy and grace right?!

I think women (myself included) often times confuse confidence with arrogance. So if someone tells us that we look nice…instead of saying “thank you” we immediately try to “not be arrogant” by insulting ourselves. We all do it! WHY?! I think this is one of the biggest tools the devil uses against women. He sets us up against ourselves and he is free to go attack someone else. After all, if we will insult ourselves for fear of sounding arrogant he doesn’t need to. And yet while we are “not being arrogant” we are actually not being confident! We are also not living up to our full potential in God. The devil knows if he can keep us drowning in self doubt… he has us kept.

  • The next time your husband gives you a compliment just say “thank you” and maybe give him a kiss on the cheek just to be sweet!
  • The next time your mom tells you she likes your new haircut just say “thank you” and maybe compliment her as well!
  • The next time a friend mentions that your hair is long and beautiful just say “thank you” and maybe remind her that she too has beautiful features.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE IMPACT IF WE ALL BUILT EACH OTHER UP?! INCLUDING OURSELVES?!

What if we really believed that we are “FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE”?

The devil wouldn’t stand a chance.

If we were all confident enough to use the gifts and talents God has given us then so many more lives would be impacted. So many more lives would be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life! What do we gain by putting ourselves down? I would venture to say only a stiff neck from hanging our heads in self doubt. If we would have confidence in ourselves and confidence in the Lord… we could move mountains!

We are God’s handiwork…His creation…His design… remember this the next time you want to correct someone and tell them that you are too short or that you wish you had different color eyes. GOD MADE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE TO FULFILL HIS PURPOSES. YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. Do not grieve His heart by putting yourself down. Walk confidently in the Lord and hold your head up.

 

 

Filed Under: Better Friend, Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: family, God, hebrews, psalm, today, YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Hi, I’m Stacy!

I am married to the Love of my life... my Prince. We strive daily to have a marriage better than newlyweds. We want to know each other better than when we were first wed. We want to please God by serving each other. Marriage is so important as it represents the relationship between God and His church... we must protect it and fight for ours. Read More…

Good Reads for Your Marriage:

679599: The Love Dare The Love Dare
By Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick
{These are affiliate links but I truly believe these books would add value to your marriage.}

Recent Posts

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  • What I’ve learned Being Married to an Agnostic | Guest Blogger: Ailie Baumann
  • How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson
  • How to Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

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*Disclosure: On occasion, “affiliate links” may appear on this website. This means that when clicked and the item is purchased, the seller sends me an affiliate commission. This helps me keep this blog up and running. The item’s price is not affected in any way. Only items I believe my readers will enjoy are linked in this way.
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