Better Than Newlyweds

Where the Honeymoon never ends!

Give Thanks to God | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Give thanks to God. It not only shows our gratitude but it reminds us where all our blessings come from.

In marriage, it is easy to get caught up in the day to day and start to look to each other for what we need. However, we set ourselves and our husbands up for failure when we do that. When we make a choice to give thanks to God it changes our perspective. Sure, our spouses bless us and so we look to them with appreciation but we must be careful not to look to them with expectations only God can fulfill. They are a gift from God.

People receive houses and money from their parents, but a good wife is a gift from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14

We should give thanks regardless of how we feel.

I know there have been points in my life where I did not feel like giving thanks to God… for anything. I looked around and in that moment didn’t see anything good. I wanted to get mad and say anything but words of thankfulness. But I knew that God was still God no matter my circumstances. I knew I should give thanks out of obedience to His word.

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or crude joking, which are out of character, but rather thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4

A Psalm of David when he feigned madness before Abimelech, who drove him away and he departed. I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalm 34:1
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Colossians 3:17

Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In those situations, as soon as I start to give thanks my attitude changes and every where I look there is something to thank God for. Did everything change in that instance? No, what changed was my focus. Instead of giving in to my feelings I decided to give in to my faith. My feelings have led me astray but my faith in Jesus has not. Our feelings and emotions are our flesh. We must do everything we can to welcome God and His presence in to our lives so that we can live by His spirit instead of our flesh.

He who trusts in his own heart is a fool Proverbs 28:26a

The heart is deceitful above all things Jeremiah 17:9a

All the “bad” that was going on… was still going on… but in that moment I could see the good God was working out of the bad.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

We have been married almost 6 years. God has done a lot in those years. We have been through a lot. Sometimes we have felt like giving up. We have wrestled with the thought that our lives would be easier if we didn’t pursue what God was calling us to do. The truth is our lives probably would be easier but they would not be Godly. 

The thing that made our hard times harder instead of heavenly was when our focus was on us and not Him. When I was looking to my husband to bring balance and peace to my life it put pressure on him that was not his to bear. And it went both ways. We are getting faster at recognizing when we are doing this. We are trying to realize quicker so that we can readjust. When we are impatient with one another or when there seems to be a lot of miscommunication going on… our perspectives need changing not our circumstances. In those times we need to focus on God and all of His goodness and give thanks. 

Would it be easier for us and for our marriage if God would just change our circumstances? YES! Of course it would. But would that be the best for us? Would that prepare us for heaven? Would that draw anyone else to Jesus by our actions and obedience? Would that bring us closer together as a couple? Would that grow our faith and deepen our relationship with God? No.

When we give thanks to God we grow our faith. When we depend on God individually it brings us closer as a couple. When others see how we point to Jesus in hard times they will be drawn to Him. Life is hard. Marriage is Hard. But if we let it… it will prepare us for Heaven. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Life is hard. Marriage is Hard. But if we let it… it will prepare us for Heaven.
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Do you have your husband’s back? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Do you have your husband’s back? I am not just talking about defending him when someone says something mean about him. I am talking about fighting spiritual battles with him as if they were your own. After all, they are yours aren’t they? When you got married you became one. When (not if) the devil attacks your husband it will affect your marriage and eventually you. How it affects your marriage and you…is up to you.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
The devil wants to cause division in your marriage. He knows this is the key to division between you and God using your marriage as a wedge. He wants you to feel alone and on your own so that you become bitter towards your husband and then God. He wants you to continue to think it is your husband you are fighting. When you are fighting each other no one can win because you are on the same team. The devil wants to convince us that we are on opposite sides as soon as we get married. If we can be convinced of that we will forget that we are actually fighting him. A marriage like that is in self destruct mode and he won’t even have to work that hard to cause division between spouses and eventually between each of them and God.

How can you be sure to have your husband’s back?

It has to start with a renewing of our minds. We need to change our mindset about fighting. One train of thought that needs to be derailed is that because you are married you have to have big blow out fights! I imagine most of us picture ourselves fighting face to face and having a screaming match with our words. This is what is portrayed in movies and TV shows but I don’t think this is the heart of God for marriage. Our tongues have the power of life and death and I think we all too often do not use enough care with our words. I think this sometimes stems from not caring enough to listen with our ears first. Most of us would probably choose different words if we listened first then thought of our response instead of thinking of our response while they are talking.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21
let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 1:19
I would like you to imagine a new way of fighting. Picture yourself back to back with your husband. It would be much harder to have a screaming match with each other while back to back right? That is the point. The sooner we adopt this “back to back” posture, the sooner our focus can go where it belongs.
“And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Our focus should be fighting the devil, together, as a unit. When we change our position from face to face to back to back we are humbling ourselves and resisting the devil’s attempt at division. If we are constantly fighting each other… we are doing his work for him. But if we instead would have each other’s backs… and together resisted him… he would have to flee.
But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 
James 4:6,7
I do not think it is an accident that God “gives grace to the humble” and then gives us the formula for making the devil flee. The formula starts with submitting to God and then resisting the devil…and he will flee. As a married couple… to change our way of fighting… would be humbling. In the middle of an argument for me to stop and say… “you know what?! It doesn’t matter if I am right because the devil is wrong for attacking my marriage!”… would be humbling. It would shift the focus off of me and back to we. 

No one else can have your husband’s back like you can!

We must be purposeful and determined to stand back to back with our husband wearing our armor with swords drawn ready to fight the real enemy. And when (not if) our husbands gets tired we must be willing to fight for them. It is really an honor for me to fight with my husband for our marriage instead of bragging rights. No one else on the planet has the position in my husband’s life that I do. I always want him to know and feel like I have his back.
 “And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:11-13
The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
Proverbs 31:11
Marriage is the only bond that is a walking representation of Jesus and His bride, the church. If things seem a bit harder after saying “I do” it is because when a couple says “I Do” they become a target. If the devil can keep us focused on “me me me”, he wins.  If we can flip the “me” over to a “we” the devil will flee. 

In what ways do you have your husband’s back?

WHEN THINGS DON’T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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What do you do when things don’t go according to plan? (According to your plan anyway) Yesterday (Sunday) I sat down to write my blog post for marriage Monday (today) and my website was down. It was an issue with my server and there was nothing I could do. I just had to wait. I’m not the best at waiting. When things don’t go according to plan I usually try to adjust the plan to get things going smoothly again. But that usually does not work either. The only thing that seems to produce is stress. And last time I checked I don’t think that was listed as a Fruit of the Spirit!?

Galatians 5:22-23. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I am a planner. God knows this. He challenges me in this daily. I am learning that I can’t really make plans if they don’t involve Him. I know that sounds simple but think about it… how often do we make plans throughout the day that don’t involve God? I do this with everything from what to cook for dinner to the more serious stuff like looking for a job. When God is not involved, in even the simple things, life is more complicated. When God is your focus and is at the center of your thoughts… peace flows like a river.

Several times over the past week God has brought the picture of a river to my mind. On my evening walk, at church, and even during a fun night with friends playing Catch Phrase! God wants to be involved in every detail of our lives because He Loves us so much. He absolutely wants to be involved in your marriage. Loving another person like Jesus Loves us is not possible without Jesus. Another thing that sounds so simple but if we are not letting Jesus Love on us every day how can we expect to be able to show Love to our Husbands (wives)?

John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

John 13:15 “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.

1 John 4:7-21 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

When things don’t go according to plan I get uncomfortable.

The birth of our daughter did not go as planned. Not even close. She was born a month early after I was induced due to high liver enzymes. Basically my liver and the placenta were not getting along. My liver enzyme levels were over 1000 when they should have been in the 40-60 range. We were admitted to the hospital on a Friday afternoon after being called back with the test results from my blood work they had done that morning after my 36 week check up. The call woke me up from a nap. Talk about a “wake up call”. We were in the hospital 6 long days and 5 very uncomfortable nights. Those beds were made for delivering babies and not for sleeping. The bed was not the only uncomfortable thing. Things not going according to plan was uncomfortable too. But God was our comfort.

 Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Psalm 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

While in the Hospital I underwent about 6 or 7 unexplainably painful procedures. I say “about 6 or 7” because I am not sure. Those are the ones I can remember. As I have been attempting to write out my birth story to share here I am learning that I have blocked a lot of it out. It was the most painful week of my life. It was the most unplanned week of my life. It was the most blessed week of my life. It may not have felt that way then and it may have taken me over a year to notice it, but God blessed that week.

During that week I saw my husband Love me and care for me like he never had before. I saw family faces awaken with the joy of a new baby on the horizon. I saw our family step up in ways to help us that I never thought possible. I saw myself hold our new born baby girl after I was in labor for 70 hours and then pushed for 3. It felt like the baby would never come. But God’s timing is perfect and after being in a rotation of on call Doctors, for several days, our doctor was able to deliver our baby. God provided the right Doctors and nurses at the right time for us. God put the right people in the delivery room at the right time. God had people visit, text, and call at the right time. God is so good and so loving.

When we left the hospital with our new sweet teeny tiny bundle of joy I was certain I would never give birth again. The pain of those procedures, the labor, and the delivery had been too much. I was open to adoption but birth… nope. That was my plan, not God’s. No, for those of you jumping to conclusions, I am not pregnant. (haha) I am, however, open to the possibility. If I were pregnant right now I would be ok. If it had happened 6 months ago I would have been freaking out. And I don’t mean in a good way. Just ask any of my “Forever Sisters” that I have studied scripture with and worshiped with over the past 2 years. Their prayers (along with many others) carried me through. They were only able to carry me because I let them in. They have literally seen the fear on my face at the thought of being pregnant again. Now, if that is His plan, I’ll be ok.

I’ve been so worried about having to do it all again when I didn’t even do it the first time. He is the only reason I made it through all of what I went through. He is the reason I am still standing and enjoying motherhood now. God delivered more than a baby the day Sarah was born. We are still harvesting the fruit that was produced during that week in the Hospital. God is not done yet. If that is what happens when things don’t go according to (my) plan… I’m ok with that.

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8)

“the plans of the LORD stand firm forever” (Psalm 33:11)

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9)

“many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (Prov. 19:21)

 

What do you do when things don’t go according to plan? What do you hope your reaction would be if plans changed? Share below with us about how God showed up when things didn’t go according to plan! According to your plan anyways! 😀 Thanks for reading!

Reviving the Intimacy in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Reviving the intimacy in your marriage was probably not something you thought about when you were newlyweds. Let’s be honest, at the start of a marriage the endorphins are pumping and all is right in the world. The pressures of the outside world don’t affect a marriage as much in the beginning. Somewhere along the way things change. At some point “Look he left his socks on the floor! He is such an adorable mess!” changes to “SOCKS! on the floor! AGAIN!”.  And the same thing happens with whatever things our husbands saw as cute in the beginning.

As simple as socks on the floor may sound…this issue… compounded with other more serious issues (that arise as a marriage progresses) can affect the intimacy in a marriage. I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about every level of intimacy. The bills pile up or the kids are all sick and suddenly you realize you and your husband have not had a moment alone in weeks. You notice that you can’t even remember the last time you held his hand or even asked him how his day was. Some intimacy has slipped away.

Intimacy slips away sometimes because of things we can’t control and other times because of things we can control.

Intimacy slips away when the kids are sick or someone has to work overtime. It also slips when we choose to spend time on our phones/computers or with friends rather than our spouse. Kids getting sick or work are things we can’t usually control. How we spend our time, on the other hand, is something we can control.

It is important to establish habits, boundaries, and expectations that will revive the intimacy in your marriage.

Using a tool such as *Covenant Eyes to set up healthy boundaries and build trust is a good place to start. {*I have included my affiliate link here because I really believe you could benefit from it}

My husband and I are blessed. We both have had a tremendous example set for us by our parents who have been married over 40 years. One expectation or boundary we learned from our parents is to “never go to bed angry”. Before we got married I never thought much about this line my mom would say often. Because, after all, we didn’t fight… ever really. I know now that THAT was the all the endorphins pumping.

After we got married I realized why she said it so much. It is such a simple yet important thing for a marriage. If we had not had this expectation/boundary in place early in our marriage I know that our relationship would not be what it is now. I know that our communication and intimacy level would have suffered because of a lack of communication and intimacy when we needed it most. I am excited to share with you some more marriage insight from my amazing mom.

I remember when our kids were young they each had had activities they were involved in. I was always on the road getting them where they needed to be. They were all playing ball one summer and all on different teams. That was a busy summer. They also had piano lessons ,gymnastics, and sports during the school year. I was totally involved in keeping it all going. The kids had become the real focus of my life. I didn’t realize I had neglected my husband and our marriage.

One night my husband and I talked all night and shared our feelings. He felt neglected. I was so busy with the kids that I didn’t have any energy to put into our marriage. We needed to reconnect as husband and wife. We needed to work together to keep things on an even keel. We needed to save energy and time for our marriage. We needed to make each other a priority again. That was a turning point in our lives. We have been married 42 years in October. Our children are grown and have good lives. We have 2 grand daughters and life is good. We are very happy. I am thankful for that long night many years ago when we took time out to work on our marriage. Thank God we did.

I am thankful for that long night many years ago too. Because my parents made the choice to invest in their marriage I am reaping the benefits in my marriage. And now our daughter will reap the benefits of their choice as well. It is a powerful thing to see generation after generation not just still married after 40 years but also still in Love.

I am blessed to have an online friend across the globe in South Africa. Ailie Baumann writes at www.p3alive.com. I asked her to share about the issue of intimacy in her marriage. I am always so blessed when those who have been married longer than we have share their wisdom. The Bible does instruct us to teach young women right? I do my best to learn… and to teach…because at my age I am stuck somewhere in the middle.

“Older women likewise are to be… teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:3-5).

Ailie shared with me that…

“About four years ago, I was confronted with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I saw that my husband needed encouragement and affirmation. Our middle boy was only a few months old at the time. That Christmas, God led me to a random Christian blog post that talked about an intimacy box. This lady used it more for sexual intimacy as a way to save her marriage from divorce. My marriage was far from divorce but I still felt God prompt me to create my own intimacy box for my husband as a Christmas present.

I went and got several trinkets and goodies for foot spas, massage, coffee at home and some of my hubby’s favourites. I wrote him a love letter and told him I was committing to give him 30 days of intimacy.

At first I was adamant about 30 consecutive days, hubby had other ideas. Seeing my heart and loving me for it, he told me to just give him 30 days even if they weren’t consecutive. The results were incredible. Our hearts bonded deeper with each other. I learned much about sacrificial love. After several weeks, my hubby began to reciprocate back. The result was a deeper level of intimacy and deeper friendship. It truly was a God-idea.

What an amazing thing to do for her husband. I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage.  I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.

Can we “affair proof” our marriages? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Affairs have ruined too many marriages. When I sit and think about how many people I know who have an affair affect their marriage… I just shake my head. It hurts my heart. I know it hurts God’s heart as well. That is not His plan or design for marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond that no one can infiltrate. How does an affair happen? Can we “affair proof” our marriages?

My husband and I have had a conversation about “affair proofing” our marriage. We talked about ways we could protect ourselves from going down that road and eventually falling off the cliff that is surely at the end. One thing we decided was that we always need to be open with each other. This means that our phones, email accounts, and bank accounts are an open book. This is one of the many reasons we have a shared bank account.  We are one… and we try to live in a way that keeps us together as much as possible.

My friend Wil Addison (Host of Airing the Addison’s at American Family Association) makes a good point about family and favor from the Lord:

wil and meeke

“Men there is safety in family. Family provides joy, stability, true love, accomplishment, wealth and yes freedom. For a man to step out on his wife and abandon his family it’s equivalent to a man having great wealth and riches only to willingly give all of it away to another.

You want favor seek the Lord for a wife.

You desire safety and stability have kids with that wife and love and nurture them.

Two scriptures for your consideration:

Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”

Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

When dealing with marital issues that are heavier than usual I like to get advice from friends who have been married longer than us. We have learned a lot in our almost 6 years of marriage but I know there are those who have much to teach and that we have much to learn. My friend Ailie (www.p3alive.com) shared these thoughts with me:

Many a husband carries the weight of the world on their shoulders. Coming home to a family that is safe, peaceful, and accepting creates a safety net for your husband. A place where he can be himself. A place for him to relax and rest. It refreshes his soul and spurs him on to greater heights

I used to think that creating a place of safety for my husband involved a house that was sparkling clean. Over the years I have realized that while a clean house helps with stress, my husband needed something deeper from me. Here are my three tips to creating a safe place for your beloved:

1. Understanding – Often my husband needs me to be understanding of where he is at. Sometimes our husbands come home processing deadlines, meetings, and other stressors. In that moment, I find myself being prodded by the Lord to be understanding of where my man is at before I ramble my five thousand words for the day.

2. Loads of fun – Fun for a man can be food for his soul. It counters the stress they are under from the day. It transforms them into laughing, smiling men. Laugh at his jokes, smile at him when you get the chance, flirt with him (even in front of your kids).

3. Respect and affirmation – Find ways to affirm your husband and show him how much you respect and appreciate the man that he is. This may be in love letters on his pillow, his study, or in his car. Respect to a man is as important as love is to a woman. Speak proudly of him everywhere you go. Accept his flaws and choose to see past them. See the man that God has made him to be. Show him his value and his worth.

The enemy does not want your marriage to succeed. Sadly, the world is not cheering you on my either. Everywhere you look there are tv shows and images that do not promote a healthy and Godly marriage. Another way you can protect your relationship is by setting up filters. I believe in CovenantEyes as a way to easily do this for you and your family. I believe in it so much that I am willing to be an affiliate for them and share this link with you. I believe anything that aims to keep pure things in front of our eyes will help our marriages.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

Wanting to “affair proof” our marriages might seem a bit extreme to some. However, if we are going to be extreme about anything shouldn’t it be our marriage/family?

 

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