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Reviving the Intimacy in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

September 12, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Reviving the intimacy in your marriage was probably not something you thought about when you were newlyweds. Let’s be honest, at the start of a marriage the endorphins are pumping and all is right in the world. The pressures of the outside world don’t affect a marriage as much in the beginning. Somewhere along the way things change. At some point “Look he left his socks on the floor! He is such an adorable mess!” changes to “SOCKS! on the floor! AGAIN!”. And the same thing happens with whatever things our husbands saw as cute in the beginning.

As simple as socks on the floor may sound…this issue… compounded with other more serious issues (that arise as a marriage progresses) can affect the intimacy in a marriage. I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about every level of intimacy. The bills pile up or the kids are all sick and suddenly you realize you and your husband have not had a moment alone in weeks. You notice that you can’t even remember the last time you held his hand or even asked him how his day was. Some intimacy has slipped away.

Intimacy slips away sometimes because of things we can’t control and other times because of things we can control.

Intimacy slips away when the kids are sick or someone has to work overtime. It also slips when we choose to spend time on our phones/computers or with friends rather than our spouse. Kids getting sick or work are things we can’t usually control. How we spend our time, on the other hand, is something we can control.

It is important to establish habits, boundaries, and expectations that will revive the intimacy in your marriage.

Using a tool such as *Covenant Eyes to set up healthy boundaries and build trust is a good place to start. {*I have included my affiliate link here because I really believe you could benefit from it}

My husband and I are blessed. We both have had a tremendous example set for us by our parents who have been married over 40 years. One expectation or boundary we learned from our parents is to “never go to bed angry”. Before we got married I never thought much about this line my mom would say often. Because, after all, we didn’t fight… ever really. I know now that THAT was the all the endorphins pumping.

After we got married I realized why she said it so much. It is such a simple yet important thing for a marriage. If we had not had this expectation/boundary in place early in our marriage I know that our relationship would not be what it is now. I know that our communication and intimacy level would have suffered because of a lack of communication and intimacy when we needed it most. I am excited to share with you some more marriage insight from my amazing mom.

I remember when our kids were young they each had had activities they were involved in. I was always on the road getting them where they needed to be. They were all playing ball one summer and all on different teams. That was a busy summer. They also had piano lessons ,gymnastics, and sports during the school year. I was totally involved in keeping it all going. The kids had become the real focus of my life. I didn’t realize I had neglected my husband and our marriage.

One night my husband and I talked all night and shared our feelings. He felt neglected. I was so busy with the kids that I didn’t have any energy to put into our marriage. We needed to reconnect as husband and wife. We needed to work together to keep things on an even keel. We needed to save energy and time for our marriage. We needed to make each other a priority again. That was a turning point in our lives. We have been married 42 years in October. Our children are grown and have good lives. We have 2 grand daughters and life is good. We are very happy. I am thankful for that long night many years ago when we took time out to work on our marriage. Thank God we did.

I am thankful for that long night many years ago too. Because my parents made the choice to invest in their marriage I am reaping the benefits in my marriage. And now our daughter will reap the benefits of their choice as well. It is a powerful thing to see generation after generation not just still married after 40 years but also still in Love.

I am blessed to have an online friend across the globe in South Africa. Ailie Baumann writes at www.p3alive.com. I asked her to share about the issue of intimacy in her marriage. I am always so blessed when those who have been married longer than we have share their wisdom. The Bible does instruct us to teach young women right? I do my best to learn… and to teach…because at my age I am stuck somewhere in the middle.

“Older women likewise are to be… teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:3-5).

Ailie shared with me that…

“About four years ago, I was confronted with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I saw that my husband needed encouragement and affirmation. Our middle boy was only a few months old at the time. That Christmas, God led me to a random Christian blog post that talked about an intimacy box. This lady used it more for sexual intimacy as a way to save her marriage from divorce. My marriage was far from divorce but I still felt God prompt me to create my own intimacy box for my husband as a Christmas present.

I went and got several trinkets and goodies for foot spas, massage, coffee at home and some of my hubby’s favourites. I wrote him a love letter and told him I was committing to give him 30 days of intimacy.

At first I was adamant about 30 consecutive days, hubby had other ideas. Seeing my heart and loving me for it, he told me to just give him 30 days even if they weren’t consecutive. The results were incredible. Our hearts bonded deeper with each other. I learned much about sacrificial love. After several weeks, my hubby began to reciprocate back. The result was a deeper level of intimacy and deeper friendship. It truly was a God-idea.

What an amazing thing to do for her husband. I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage. I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.

Can we “affair proof” our marriages? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

September 5, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Affairs have ruined too many marriages. When I sit and think about how many people I know who have an affair affect their marriage… I just shake my head. It hurts my heart. I know it hurts God’s heart as well. That is not His plan or design for marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond that no one can infiltrate. How does an affair happen? Can we “affair proof” our marriages?

My husband and I have had a conversation about “affair proofing” our marriage. We talked about ways we could protect ourselves from going down that road and eventually falling off the cliff that is surely at the end. One thing we decided was that we always need to be open with each other. This means that our phones, email accounts, and bank accounts are an open book. This is one of the many reasons we have a shared bank account. We are one… and we try to live in a way that keeps us together as much as possible.

My friend Wil Addison (Host of Airing the Addison’s at American Family Association) makes a good point about family and favor from the Lord:

“Men there is safety in family. Family provides joy, stability, true love, accomplishment, wealth and yes freedom. For a man to step out on his wife and abandon his family it’s equivalent to a man having great wealth and riches only to willingly give all of it away to another.

You want favor seek the Lord for a wife.

You desire safety and stability have kids with that wife and love and nurture them.

Two scriptures for your consideration:

Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”

Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

When dealing with marital issues that are heavier than usual I like to get advice from friends who have been married longer than us. We have learned a lot in our almost 6 years of marriage but I know there are those who have much to teach and that we have much to learn. My friend Ailie (www.p3alive.com) shared these thoughts with me:

Many a husband carries the weight of the world on their shoulders. Coming home to a family that is safe, peaceful, and accepting creates a safety net for your husband. A place where he can be himself. A place for him to relax and rest. It refreshes his soul and spurs him on to greater heights

I used to think that creating a place of safety for my husband involved a house that was sparkling clean. Over the years I have realized that while a clean house helps with stress, my husband needed something deeper from me. Here are my three tips to creating a safe place for your beloved:

1. Understanding – Often my husband needs me to be understanding of where he is at. Sometimes our husbands come home processing deadlines, meetings, and other stressors. In that moment, I find myself being prodded by the Lord to be understanding of where my man is at before I ramble my five thousand words for the day.

2. Loads of fun – Fun for a man can be food for his soul. It counters the stress they are under from the day. It transforms them into laughing, smiling men. Laugh at his jokes, smile at him when you get the chance, flirt with him (even in front of your kids).

3. Respect and affirmation – Find ways to affirm your husband and show him how much you respect and appreciate the man that he is. This may be in love letters on his pillow, his study, or in his car. Respect to a man is as important as love is to a woman. Speak proudly of him everywhere you go. Accept his flaws and choose to see past them. See the man that God has made him to be. Show him his value and his worth.

The enemy does not want your marriage to succeed. Sadly, the world is not cheering you on my either. Everywhere you look there are tv shows and images that do not promote a healthy and Godly marriage. Another way you can protect your relationship is by setting up filters. I believe in CovenantEyes as a way to easily do this for you and your family. I believe in it so much that I am willing to be an affiliate for them and share this link with you. I believe anything that aims to keep pure things in front of our eyes will help our marriages.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Wanting to “affair proof” our marriages might seem a bit extreme to some. However, if we are going to be extreme about anything shouldn’t it be our marriage/family?

Communicate Effectively in Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

June 13, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Marriage is hard. Learning how to communicate effectively in marriage makes it easier. The fact that I am female and he is male will never change. That being said… how we are wired to communicate will never change. Men and women communicate differently so it takes effort to communicate effectively in marriage.

Men and women communicate differently so it takes effort to communicate effectively in marriage.

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I can carry on 3 conversations at once while watching tv and keeping an eye on our baby girl. My hubby… not so much. He is just wired differently than me. It is by God’s design that we operate differently so that when we come together we make a good team. The devil knows this and is more than happy to try and use our differences to tear us apart and make us weak as a couple. God’s plan however is that we stretch each other and grow together so we can get stronger together everyday.

As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

In order for us to help each other grow we must communicate effectively in marriage.

When I am having a rough day and my husband turns off the tv and puts down his phone so he can really listen to me…that action alone effectively communicates that he cares and wants to help. So when your husband/wife wants to talk with you do your best to put aside all distractions and give them your full attention. This not only shows them you care but allows you to fully listen. A huge factor in being able to communicate effectively in marriage is being a good listener. How can you help your spouse if you aren’t listening to them?

In order for us to communicate effectively in marriage we have to remember who we married.

Something that I struggle with sometimes (maybe it’s been my out of whack hormones since having a baby IDK) is simply just giving my sweet hubby the benefit of the doubt. I am a words person so sometimes I put too much emphasis on how the words are said rather than who said them. I get offended or angry. But I know that my husband is not out to hurt me and that He Loves me deeply and I should weight that against the words being said before I react. I need more patience in my life yall!

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19

I need to pause and remember who I married. I married a sweet man with a big heart who has my best interests in mind. And I am thankful everyday for a man that Loves me like Christ Loves the church.

In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must focus on the positives and affirm our spouse.

It is easy in life to get caught up in all the bad and negative things that happen. Sadly, I think this is true in most marriages as well. But I think it is important to give equal time… maybe even more time… to positive things in our marriage. For whatever reason it is so much easier to focus on negative things… that’s one reason I said marriage is hard. There will always be things about your marriage or your spouse that you might think need to be fixed or improved. And even if those things were fixed… more would follow. My point is try and focus on the things you Love about your spouse and your marriage. It is much easier to communicate effectively in marriage when you are coming to the conversation with a grateful heart.

If you really want to see some growth in your spouse and your marriage start telling them the things you Love about them and about your marriage. What you water will grow.

In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must listen to the Holy Spirit.

I think we have all been there… we just said something we knew we shouldn’t have said… and regret sets in. We should have listened to the Holy Spirit. Or maybe it is the opposite. Maybe we knew we should apologize or say “I Love you” but because we are so mad we don’t. We chose to listen to our flesh instead of the Holy Spirit. When has that ever produced good fruit?

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 18:21

Speak life into your marriage and into your spouse. Pray for your marriage and your spouse. Find friends who will pray for your marriage.

If none of the above seems possible right now… if words always lead to a fight… just sit and hold hands. The physical contact will start a conversation between your souls that will open the door to communication.

If you need direction on praying for your spouse here are two good books to help you get started:

The Power of a Praying Wife
By Stormie Omartian

The Power of a Praying Husband, Deluxe Edition

What Our In Home Date Night Looks Like | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

June 6, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

I am a Date Night Believer! I believe they can change your marriage. We recently started having an in home date night. I believe that even just one date night a month can help you reconnect with your spouse and remind you why you fell in Love with them in the first place! An evening out for a romantic dinner is usually what folks picture when they hear “date night”. I used to picture that too. However, our world has been blessed with a little ball of energy we like to call Sarah and date nights have changed.

Date nights have changed because we can’t just decide at the drop of a hat to go out for that romantic dinner anymore and we are new-ish parents still figuring out that whole “plan ahead” thing. We also don’t really want to spend $50 – $150 every month on Date Night. We would rather save it for a new vehicle or put it towards retirement. ( That sounded way too grown up! 🙂 ) So, what is the solution? When we don’t or can’t go out we have found that an “in home date night” can be romantic too!

Our “in home date night” usually involves us cooking together, a red box movie, and a fun dessert!

We had an impromptu “in home date night” recently so that meant that our sweet ball of energy was along for the fun! We decided to create an area she could roam free in and we wouldn’t have to worry while cooking or watching our movie. We set up what we like to call the “thunder dome” or what I call the “Sarah dome”! 🙂

She bounced from toy to toy like a ball in a pin ball machine! It was great! While she played we were able to cook dinner (checking on her from around the corner a ton) and then also watch our movie! We only had to stop the movie for bottle and diaper change breaks… but for a $1.50 for a movie at home… instead of $20 or so at the theater (not including a babysitter) we will take it! AND I get to be comfy in my pj’s while snuggling on the couch with my hubby… I’ll take that too! A different kind of romantic. 🙂

Our night was pretty simple. It wasn’t about the food but about the time we spent together. Because we were at home we could be silly in the kitchen cooking together and we could pause the movie when we wanted to talk about the movie. Conversation is an important part of a successful “date night”! On the menu was tacos and cookies for dessert.

Just for fun I picked out special messages from our stash of Taco Bell sauces to go along with our tacos. 🙂 Why waste an opportunity to be sweet!?

We kept the tacos pretty simple but we kicked our cookies up a notch though! 😀

Pazookie anyone?

What is a Pazookie you ask?! 😀

It is a special sweet treat! Bake some cookies and then put one upside down on a plate. Then plop some icing on the cookie. Add an upright cookie on top of the icing and squish the cookies together! 😀 Enjoy! And for extra fun… add sprinkles!

While we are on the topic of sweet treats! Let’s take a look at the sweet beginning of “man” and “woman” through creation.

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field.

But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18-24

Sometimes my husband calls me “his rib”… at first it was a quirky term of endearment. But now it is sweet. It reminds me that from the beginning God knew. God knew what I would need in a husband and so he created Dwight for me. He also knew what Dwight would need in a wife and created me for him. God didn’t just stop at our needs though He blessed us with many things we didn’t even know we would want in each other! Isn’t it great to have a sweet God like that?

Pray with me:

I pray today that every husband would “hold fast” to his wife. I pray that husband and wife would operate as one flesh in agreement with His word. I rebuke every scheme of the devil and declare that all his plans to bring division must stop in Jesus’ name. May we rest upon His word and His truth and know that the same power that raised Jesus from the grave lives in us. Jesus, help us to stand up and put the devil under our feet where he belongs. Help us to stand up for our marriages and operate as one unit against the enemy. Help us recognize his schemes and submit to you all that we do so that when we resist the devil he must flee! Thank you for who you are God. Help us Love like You Love. Amen.

The devil Wants to Keep You “Feeling Defeated”| Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

May 30, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Life is too short and God is too big to give the devil any help in keeping us feeling defeated. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection from the grave the only one who is defeated is the devil! We have to recognize that and walk in victory daily or we help the enemy with his plan to keep us feeling defeated.

I said “feeling defeated” because it is a mindset. If we are in Christ then we already have the victory. The devil knows that but he is going to do all he can to make us feel like we are defeated. We have to do all we can to remain in God’s truth so we know who He is and who we are in Him!

The devil wants to keep you “feeling defeated” by condemning you and reminding you of your past. If he can keep you focused on the mistakes you made before you were “in Christ” he can keep you from walking in victory. Whatever the lie from the enemy is there is always an answer in His word.

The truth in God’s word says:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;” 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

The devil wants to keep you “feeling defeated” by having you walk things out in your own strength. The Bible tells us that those of us in Christ don’t have to rely on our own strength! The grace of God strengthens us and builds our faith muscles!

“You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus,” 2 Timothy 2:1

The devil wants to keep you “feeling defeated” by distracting you and convincing you that you can’t reach your full potential in Christ. But the truth is we have already “been brought to fullness” in Christ. It is up to us whether or not we walk in that fullness.

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.” Colossians 2:9-10

Jesus Christ is the “head over every power and authority.” If we are “in Christ” the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in each of us. We have to walk in the authority given to us through Christ in order to keep from “feeling defeated”. Life is too short and God is too big for us to sit and twiddle our thumbs because we are “feeling defeated”. If we want to impact the world for Jesus then we must call the devil out and then put him in his place, under our feet. Welcome the presence of God in to your life, your house, your marriage, and your heart and the devil won’t be able to stand it. According to God’s truth “he must flee”… Thank You Jesus!

“submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7
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