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How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

May 1, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

Have you ever wondered how to improve communication in your marriage? I know I have. Sometimes it just feels like we are speaking different languages or having two totally different conversations. There are a few simple things that we try to do to improve our communication.

How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage

Put your phone down and look them in the eye

I see it so often. Someone talking and the other person staring at their phone. This says a few things to the person talking. It tells them that whatever is on the phone screen is more important and more interesting than them. Is that how you want your husband to feel? I don’t think so. This is not how we should want anyone to feel. If you find you have a hard time doing this, start by leaving your phone in your purse in another room and purposefully go and have a conversation with your husband without it.

Don’t make it about you

When we are going through something difficult and are having a disagreement… it is easy to go on the defensive and make it about us. Often times, if we would just take the time to really listen we would realize that what our husbands are saying sheds light on deeper feelings they might have. If all we do is go on the defensive instead of soaking in what they are saying and genuinely evaluate our own hearts and motives… communication will always be an issue.

Be Honest

In a Christian marriage this should really be a given. You might be thinking “well, of course I am honest!” But has your husband ever asked you what was wrong and you replied “nothing.” Or maybe he asked if something was ok and you replied with “it’s fine.” As women we know that those words don’t mean what they should in those moments (most of the time). However, our husbands hear “nothing” and “it’s fine” and think there is nothing wrong and that it’s fine. And you know why they think that? Because it is what we told them! We can’t get mad at them for not understanding when we are the ones not being honest about our feelings.

The Bible has plenty of answers for the question “How to improve communication in your marriage?”

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, Ephesians 4:15

But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give. With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone. Proverbs 25:11-15

The next time you are wondering how to improve communication in your marriage, improve your communication with God and the rest will follow.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matt. 6:33

FOR THE WIFE WHO THINKS “My husband doesn’t listen to me.” | Better Than Newlyweds | Stacy Hudson

January 9, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

If you have ever thought “My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me” you are not alone. I think every wife feels this way at some point. I do not think that every husband intends to make his wife feel this way. Most of them do not know how to listen well. And most of us do not know how to talk in a way that can help them listen well. Learning to communicate effectively in marriage can be a game changer.

How to help them listen well

Be sure you have their attention before you start talking a mile a minute about your day
Ask them if it is a good time to chat with them without distractions
Do your best to not jump around from topic to topic … even though our brains are full of interconnected wires…their brains operate more like opening one box at a time.

If you have been married for any length of time you have probably figured out that communication in marriage is not always easy. In fact, most of the time it is difficult. Men and women do NOT communicate the same way. This often leads the wife to think “my husband doesn’t listen to me” while the husband thinks nothing is wrong. He thinks nothing is wrong because we often choose to huff about or silently fester our hurt. That doesn’t solve anything and it ends up hurting the marriage.

If you need to tell someone “I feel like my husband doesn’t listen to me” … tell your husband! Go to him first instead of your best friend, your mom, or your sister. Your husband Loves you and if he knows that you do not feel like he listens to you he will probably ask how he can fix it. Men are fixers right? They want to find a solution. Just in case that happens have the answers to the questions below ready.

Why it is important for you that he gives you undivided attention?
What does it make you feel when he doesn’t give you attention when you are speaking?
What does him listening look like to you?

When you think “my husband doesn’t listen to me” turn to the Bible.

It is important that we go to God’s word first over any google search or book. Listening in marriage is important but Loving even if you don’t feel listened to is more important. This yields your heart to God and softens it towards your spouse. Keep these verses in mind the next time you think “my husband doesn’t listen to me.”

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” Proverbs 18:13

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.Matthew 18:15

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Communicate Effectively in Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

June 13, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Marriage is hard. Learning how to communicate effectively in marriage makes it easier. The fact that I am female and he is male will never change. That being said… how we are wired to communicate will never change. Men and women communicate differently so it takes effort to communicate effectively in marriage.

Men and women communicate differently so it takes effort to communicate effectively in marriage.

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I can carry on 3 conversations at once while watching tv and keeping an eye on our baby girl. My hubby… not so much. He is just wired differently than me. It is by God’s design that we operate differently so that when we come together we make a good team. The devil knows this and is more than happy to try and use our differences to tear us apart and make us weak as a couple. God’s plan however is that we stretch each other and grow together so we can get stronger together everyday.

As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

In order for us to help each other grow we must communicate effectively in marriage.

When I am having a rough day and my husband turns off the tv and puts down his phone so he can really listen to me…that action alone effectively communicates that he cares and wants to help. So when your husband/wife wants to talk with you do your best to put aside all distractions and give them your full attention. This not only shows them you care but allows you to fully listen. A huge factor in being able to communicate effectively in marriage is being a good listener. How can you help your spouse if you aren’t listening to them?

In order for us to communicate effectively in marriage we have to remember who we married.

Something that I struggle with sometimes (maybe it’s been my out of whack hormones since having a baby IDK) is simply just giving my sweet hubby the benefit of the doubt. I am a words person so sometimes I put too much emphasis on how the words are said rather than who said them. I get offended or angry. But I know that my husband is not out to hurt me and that He Loves me deeply and I should weight that against the words being said before I react. I need more patience in my life yall!

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19

I need to pause and remember who I married. I married a sweet man with a big heart who has my best interests in mind. And I am thankful everyday for a man that Loves me like Christ Loves the church.

In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must focus on the positives and affirm our spouse.

It is easy in life to get caught up in all the bad and negative things that happen. Sadly, I think this is true in most marriages as well. But I think it is important to give equal time… maybe even more time… to positive things in our marriage. For whatever reason it is so much easier to focus on negative things… that’s one reason I said marriage is hard. There will always be things about your marriage or your spouse that you might think need to be fixed or improved. And even if those things were fixed… more would follow. My point is try and focus on the things you Love about your spouse and your marriage. It is much easier to communicate effectively in marriage when you are coming to the conversation with a grateful heart.

If you really want to see some growth in your spouse and your marriage start telling them the things you Love about them and about your marriage. What you water will grow.

In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must listen to the Holy Spirit.

I think we have all been there… we just said something we knew we shouldn’t have said… and regret sets in. We should have listened to the Holy Spirit. Or maybe it is the opposite. Maybe we knew we should apologize or say “I Love you” but because we are so mad we don’t. We chose to listen to our flesh instead of the Holy Spirit. When has that ever produced good fruit?

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 18:21

Speak life into your marriage and into your spouse. Pray for your marriage and your spouse. Find friends who will pray for your marriage.

If none of the above seems possible right now… if words always lead to a fight… just sit and hold hands. The physical contact will start a conversation between your souls that will open the door to communication.

If you need direction on praying for your spouse here are two good books to help you get started:

The Power of a Praying Wife
By Stormie Omartian

The Power of a Praying Husband, Deluxe Edition

What Our In Home Date Night Looks Like | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

June 6, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

I am a Date Night Believer! I believe they can change your marriage. We recently started having an in home date night. I believe that even just one date night a month can help you reconnect with your spouse and remind you why you fell in Love with them in the first place! An evening out for a romantic dinner is usually what folks picture when they hear “date night”. I used to picture that too. However, our world has been blessed with a little ball of energy we like to call Sarah and date nights have changed.

Date nights have changed because we can’t just decide at the drop of a hat to go out for that romantic dinner anymore and we are new-ish parents still figuring out that whole “plan ahead” thing. We also don’t really want to spend $50 – $150 every month on Date Night. We would rather save it for a new vehicle or put it towards retirement. ( That sounded way too grown up! 🙂 ) So, what is the solution? When we don’t or can’t go out we have found that an “in home date night” can be romantic too!

Our “in home date night” usually involves us cooking together, a red box movie, and a fun dessert!

We had an impromptu “in home date night” recently so that meant that our sweet ball of energy was along for the fun! We decided to create an area she could roam free in and we wouldn’t have to worry while cooking or watching our movie. We set up what we like to call the “thunder dome” or what I call the “Sarah dome”! 🙂

She bounced from toy to toy like a ball in a pin ball machine! It was great! While she played we were able to cook dinner (checking on her from around the corner a ton) and then also watch our movie! We only had to stop the movie for bottle and diaper change breaks… but for a $1.50 for a movie at home… instead of $20 or so at the theater (not including a babysitter) we will take it! AND I get to be comfy in my pj’s while snuggling on the couch with my hubby… I’ll take that too! A different kind of romantic. 🙂

Our night was pretty simple. It wasn’t about the food but about the time we spent together. Because we were at home we could be silly in the kitchen cooking together and we could pause the movie when we wanted to talk about the movie. Conversation is an important part of a successful “date night”! On the menu was tacos and cookies for dessert.

Just for fun I picked out special messages from our stash of Taco Bell sauces to go along with our tacos. 🙂 Why waste an opportunity to be sweet!?

We kept the tacos pretty simple but we kicked our cookies up a notch though! 😀

Pazookie anyone?

What is a Pazookie you ask?! 😀

It is a special sweet treat! Bake some cookies and then put one upside down on a plate. Then plop some icing on the cookie. Add an upright cookie on top of the icing and squish the cookies together! 😀 Enjoy! And for extra fun… add sprinkles!

While we are on the topic of sweet treats! Let’s take a look at the sweet beginning of “man” and “woman” through creation.

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field.

But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18-24

Sometimes my husband calls me “his rib”… at first it was a quirky term of endearment. But now it is sweet. It reminds me that from the beginning God knew. God knew what I would need in a husband and so he created Dwight for me. He also knew what Dwight would need in a wife and created me for him. God didn’t just stop at our needs though He blessed us with many things we didn’t even know we would want in each other! Isn’t it great to have a sweet God like that?

Pray with me:

I pray today that every husband would “hold fast” to his wife. I pray that husband and wife would operate as one flesh in agreement with His word. I rebuke every scheme of the devil and declare that all his plans to bring division must stop in Jesus’ name. May we rest upon His word and His truth and know that the same power that raised Jesus from the grave lives in us. Jesus, help us to stand up and put the devil under our feet where he belongs. Help us to stand up for our marriages and operate as one unit against the enemy. Help us recognize his schemes and submit to you all that we do so that when we resist the devil he must flee! Thank you for who you are God. Help us Love like You Love. Amen.

30 MINUTE DATES TO REVIVE YOUR MARRIAGE | Better Than Newlyweds | Stacy Hudson

March 7, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

When you first met your husband/wife and realized you liked each other… what did you do? Maybe a few of you immediately got married but I have a feeling most of you are like me and you dated. While on dates we focused on each other with the goal of figuring out if this was a forever thing! I am so glad ours was! A list of 30 minute dates to revive your marriage is below and I hope you will use it!

We could sit in a coffee shop for hours and talk. Driving around together was a treat and a chance to talk. Lay on a blanket outside and just look at the stars. Going to the beach and just listening to the waves and gazing into each others eyes was enough….for real. When we went to the movies we would share popcorn and hold hands annnnd while we are talking about going to the movies…

I was so clueless on our first movie date…second date total! We went to see of all movie titles … “The Proposal”… I should have known then right? 😉 Well I had the popcorn in my lap and I was eating it and offering it to him but he didn’t want any. I noticed he kept looking over at me but I didn’t know why. Well, as soon as I put down the popcorn I learned why. He immediately reached over and held my hand! I didn’t mind at all and he still holds my hand… after I put the popcorn down of course!

It is hard to keep dating once married. As much as we try to keep things fresh…. things change. We get into routines. We start to take for granted that we get to see the Love of our lives daily! When we were dating I couldn’t wait for my Love to show up at my house for a visit and I hated it when he had to leave. Time seems to go by faster once married. Dates become less of a priority sometimes and we end up spending more time gazing at our phones than gazing into our Lovers eyes.

I hope these 30 minute date ideas will help you revive your marriage and start dating again!

30 MINUTE DATES TO REVIVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Go to a playground near your house and hit the swings.

Walk there together if it is not too far and talk along the way. If conversation is not easy… discuss what you like about the houses/cars on the street. Anything to get words flowing.

Bring home deluxe ice cream fixings and set up your own ice cream sundae bar.

Have fun shopping together and making sundaes. If you want more fun maybe try to guess and create the perfect sundae for each other! This may seem silly but… isn’t that what we did while dating? Silly things that made us laugh together. I think it is in those moments I really fell in Love.

Turn off the TV and play cards. Get out of your Netflix rut for a more interactive evening. Don’t like cards? Try a favorite (or new!) board game instead.

Don’t get my wrong… I love netflix. BUT I Love my husband more and would gladly turn it off so we could spend 30 minutes hanging out playing cards. This one is not hard as it doesn’t even require you to leave your house! I am pretty sure we all have a pack of cards around the house somewhere and know how to play Battle! Just remember to play nice and the goal is connecting not winning! 😉

Have a picnic in your own backyard. Pack a basket of yummy eats and a blanket, and head out to the coziest space in your backyard.

This one requires you to leave your house…but not you yard! Pack a basket and enjoy some time in the sun together. Put your cell phones IN the picnic basket once you take the food out! This will make it easier to concentrate on each other.

Snuggle on the couch together and watch an episode of a show you both enjoy.

See,I told you I loved netflix. Most of the sitcoms on netflix at 21 minutes long. So, get some popcorn or another snack, snuggle on the couch and relax together.

“when I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go”

SONG OF SOLOMON 3:4