Affirmation in Marriage and why it’s so important
As a wife and mom of three boys, I am on a journey of discovering the importance of affirmation to a man. No matter their age, men need affirmation. This need goes beyond the love language of affirmation. Men (in general) want to be recognized, affirmed, and looked up to. This communicates value and respect. It’s a form of honor to a man. Affirmation in marriage is crucial to building a strong and happy marriage.
Our words are powerful
I recently learned that our words either dress people in honor or disrobe them with dishonor. Dishonor brings about shame and a sense of being exposed. We dishonor our husbands every time we speak critically, harshly or angrily. Thank God for forgiveness, redemption, and the beauty that comes with apologizing. (I’ve been here so many times.) On the other hand, honor dresses your husband in value, worth, dignity, and respect. Learning to practice affirmation in Marriage will prove to be worth all of your efforts.
I’ve watched this in my own marriage and family. Whenever I take the time to acknowledge the little things that my husband or boys do, I see their chests puff out a few millimeters and their confidence enlarges. If I keep at it, the mood in the house shifts into one of peace, fun, and unity.
As wives, we carry a large amount of authority and impact in our marriages and our homes. The words we choose help us to create the home that we live in and the marriage that we enjoy or dislike. Is it easy to affirm your husband when your marriage is in a drought or hard time? Honestly, NO! It takes intentionality, hard work, and a dedication to seeing the good in your spouse. Affirmation in marriage is about sacrificial love and a laying down of ourselves to lift our men up.
Does this mean that we don’t see their faults or flaws?
Of course not. We do see their imperfections and they see ours. The difference comes in choosing to not dwell on their shortcomings. We cover them in love by focusing on their strengths and emphasizing the men that God has made them be:
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
How do we affirm our husbands?
- Note what he does for you: washing the dishes/packing the dishwasher, taking out the trash, putting the kids in the bath or to bed, making supper, spending a long day at the office, etc. Here, I encourage you to deliberately look for at least one thing each day for the next two weeks that you can appreciate in your hubby’s efforts to please and help you.
- Speak well of him in front of your children and in public. Our children are already aware that neither we nor our hubbies are perfect, they really don’t need us to point out daddy’s flaws. Instead, we can show our children what a healthy beautiful marriage is by encouraging our children to see the beauty that is their dad. Help your children to see how hard daddy works to provide, how kind he is, etc. The same in public because should your hubby find out that you’ve been speaking about him, it will be uplifting to hear words of praise.
- Voice our appreciation and admiration. Here you can get creative. Sit on his lap with your arms wrapped around him and let him know what you admire in him. Write a love letter. Send him a text message. Bottom line – voice your admiration, affirmation, and appreciation.
- Be quick to encourage him. As your hubby walks into the door, ask God how do I love him today? What do you want me to say? If hubby is frustrated from the day at the office, it may not be the best time to go into a serious conversation about your marriage or parenting (I’ve done this and it generally causes a disaster). Instead, he may need some down time or a listening ear. Gauge where he is at and encourage him in who he is. See him through God’s eyes and communicate what you see.
What are some of the ways that you love to affirm your husband? I’d love to hear from you and learn from your awesome ideas.