Choose to Love Archives - Better Than Newlyweds

Physical Therapy | Mrs. Scherer

July 14, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

Went to my first physical therapy appointment. Loved my physical therapist. We hit it off right away. She mentioned to me that she was getting married in three weeks. I offered my congratulations and then she started my intake. She asked what happened…

I began to explain that in Novemember I was on a cruise with my family to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and renew our vows, and I fell… She was very surprised that I had been married that long. I guess without giving it much thought, she said, “to the same guy!?!” I said, “Yep! Love him more today than ever!”

She told me that she was so glad that I shared that with her. Typically all she ever hears is, “oh how sweet, you’re still in the good newlywed phase when you still like each other…” She said she hoped it wasn’t really like that and that she could still be madly in love after 25 years.

A good, happy, healthy marriage takes a lot of work. It’s just like physical therapy. We need to keep the muscles strong. We need to work on it every day. It’s ok to seek outside support if you’re struggling. There will be good days and rough days… You have to push through the rough ones to get to the great ones!

For those in the “newlywed phase”, enjoy! But know that what you’re feeling now doesn’t have to end. If you make your marriage a priority and choose to love every day , then every phase of your marriage can be like newlywed love!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Hebrews 12:11-13

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Love Their Mother | Mrs. Scherer

June 16, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

This weekend our two boys went down to Tijuana with our church group to help build a home. This left John and I home alone. It was only one night, but we got to experience what it will be like when it’s just the two of us. We both agreed it was way too quiet. We love having a busy home filled with family and friends! With that being said, we did take advantage of the opportunity and just enjoyed spending time with each other :).

As we experienced this glimpse into what our near future might look like, I thought about how families where structured during biblical times… The family unit remained very close often staying in the same physical household. Even today other cultures continue this family structure, but for many of us in the US it’s a new phase of this journey we call life. I’m not sure that I’m really ready for it to be perfectly honest. John and I both highly value family and always pictured a huge, close knit family unit. As the kids get older and become more independent, we are starting to see how each of them wants and needs to venture out and make a way for themselves and someday, for their own families.

My prayer is that we’ve sown the seeds and they’ll never be far – physically or from our hearts… Proverbs 22:6 – Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (NIV)

No matter what phase of life you are going through, we are all growing. Take time to make your marriage a priority during every phase. Even, well actually especially, when you have children and they eem to consume all your time and energy. I read a quote/saying that I just love:

“The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Theodore M. Hesburgh

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Surrender | Mrs. Scherer

March 16, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

This is the second in a series of blog suggestions for strengthening your marriage. These suggestions are in no particular order of importance or effectiveness. These are just lessons I’ve learned along the way that I’m sharing with you in hopes that you may find tidbits you can apply in your relationship.

Choose your battles. You don’t always have to win every one. Some times giving peace a chance is the best solution. Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. I really don’t like the thought of my husband choosing either of those situations over spending time with me!

I tend to be the “fighter” in the relationship. John is the amiable. He doesn’t like conflict and it seems that early on in our marriage I purposefully sought after it. It took me a long time to realize that always being right, always “winning” every argument, every battle wasn’t honoring God. I wasn’t really “winning”, but instead I was losing. I was tearing down my husband. I was tearing down our relationship. It was hard for me to give up that control, but the bible is very clear on this topic. If you struggle with this like I have, surrender it to God. Pray about it daily and He will give you the strength and self-control.

Love Languages | Mrs. Scherer

March 9, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

John and I have been married for 25 years. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve learned a lot of things a long the way. We believe the heart of a great marriage is learning that love is an action. It’s a choice we have to make daily. Through a series of short blogs, I will share lessons that we’ve learned that have helped us choose to love. We hope that you will find some ideas that you can put into action that will help strengthen your marriage!

My first suggestion is something that has helped John and I be better partners and even better parents. Learn each other’s “love language”. Gary Chapman has written a book called The Five Love Languages. I’d highly recommend it to everyone! It helps you understand how you and your spouse tend to receive and give love. Once I understood that we each prefer to give and receive love differently, it was much easier for me to see when my husband was trying to give me love and how I could best give him love in a way that he preferred. My love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service. My husband’s are physical touch and quality time. By understanding this, I can choose to love John by spending more time with him, holding hands, rubbing his back, and of course understand his need to feel loved through making love. John can choose to love me by telling me that he loves me, how much he appreciates me, how much he cares about me. He knows the way to my heart is through acts of service – helping around the house, preparing the meals, bringing me nutter butters when I’m stressed out, and supporting me with my work and homework. Learning love languages will help you with all your relationships – spouse, kids, work, friends, everywhere!

Here is a quick snap shot of the Five Love Languages:

Birthday Suits | Mrs. Scherer

February 2, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

My husband recently had a crazy idea. He read a health article on the benefits of sleeping in our “birthday suits”. I was a bit skeptical at first, especially since I have two grown boys living at home and the dogs and I make frequent trips to the restroom during the night (mine is inside, theirs outside J). I’ve been trying to get to bed earlier to get on a healthier sleep schedule, so I committed to a firm “lights out” at 10pm. This is way too early for my night-owl hubby… So armed with my big fluffy housecoat on the edge of the dresser, I slipped into bed just me and my birthday suit. Even with my heating blanket turned on high, I laid there and shivered. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it! After Zoe (our German short-haired pointer) jumped upinto bed with me and the heat of her helped settle me in, I finally dozed off.

I woke up at 1am with a sharp cramp in my foot. Probably because it was frozen! I got up to walk it off, yes – in my housecoat. I made my ritual trip to the restroom and let the dogs out. This time, as I headed off to bed, John was ready to join me. We both slipped back into bed in our birthday suits. Now it made sense! I had to turn off the heating blanket…

In the morning, I shared with John about my experience and how it doesn’t work if there aren’t two of us – I would literally freeze. I thought about what God would have to say about this and was reminded that scripture tells us, “A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. If that’s not enough, Ecclesiastes makes it very clear, “If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?”

I share this lesson because it’s broader than just what we wear to bed. Our bodies are made for each other. Together we are more than 1 + 1 = 2 and separately, I would argue that we’re less than 1. We need each other in all areas of our lives.

Take time over the next few days to “Choose to Love”. Think about how your spouse completes you or even better, how together you “multiply the effectiveness” of each other.

Are there areas that need some focus?
Are you bringing those areas to God in prayer?
Have you openly shared your feelings about these areas with your spouse?
In areas that you are working together as one, how does that make you feel?
Can you see how it strengthens your relationship?
Have your shared your feelings about these areas with your spouse?
Have you praised God and given thanks?
While you’re at it – give the birthday suits a try. You might enjoy it J

Choosing to Love,

Dani

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