Marriage is hard. Learning how to communicate effectively in marriage makes it easier. The fact that I am female and he is male will never change. That being said… how we are wired to communicate will never change. Men and women communicate differently so it takes effort to communicate effectively in marriage.
Tweet ThisI can carry on 3 conversations at once while watching tv and keeping an eye on our baby girl. My hubby… not so much. He is just wired differently than me. It is by God’s design that we operate differently so that when we come together we make a good team. The devil knows this and is more than happy to try and use our differences to tear us apart and make us weak as a couple. God’s plan however is that we stretch each other and grow together so we can get stronger together everyday.
As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.Proverbs 27:17
In order for us to help each other grow we must communicate effectively in marriage.
When I am having a rough day and my husband turns off the tv and puts down his phone so he can really listen to me…that action alone effectively communicates that he cares and wants to help. So when your husband/wife wants to talk with you do your best to put aside all distractions and give them your full attention. This not only shows them you care but allows you to fully listen. A huge factor in being able to communicate effectively in marriage is being a good listener. How can you help your spouse if you aren’t listening to them?
In order for us to communicate effectively in marriage we have to remember who we married.
Something that I struggle with sometimes (maybe it’s been my out of whack hormones since having a baby IDK) is simply just giving my sweet hubby the benefit of the doubt. I am a words person so sometimes I put too much emphasis on how the words are said rather than who said them. I get offended or angry. But I know that my husband is not out to hurt me and that He Loves me deeply and I should weight that against the words being said before I react. I need more patience in my life yall!
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19
I need to pause and remember who I married. I married a sweet man with a big heart who has my best interests in mind. And I am thankful everyday for a man that Loves me like Christ Loves the church.
In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must focus on the positives and affirm our spouse.
It is easy in life to get caught up in all the bad and negative things that happen. Sadly, I think this is true in most marriages as well. But I think it is important to give equal time… maybe even more time… to positive things in our marriage. For whatever reason it is so much easier to focus on negative things… that’s one reason I said marriage is hard. There will always be things about your marriage or your spouse that you might think need to be fixed or improved. And even if those things were fixed… more would follow. My point is try and focus on the things you Love about your spouse and your marriage. It is much easier to communicate effectively in marriage when you are coming to the conversation with a grateful heart.
If you really want to see some growth in your spouse and your marriage start telling them the things you Love about them and about your marriage. What you water will grow.
In order to communicate effectively in marriage we must listen to the Holy Spirit.
I think we have all been there… we just said something we knew we shouldn’t have said… and regret sets in. We should have listened to the Holy Spirit. Or maybe it is the opposite. Maybe we knew we should apologize or say “I Love you” but because we are so mad we don’t. We chose to listen to our flesh instead of the Holy Spirit. When has that ever produced good fruit?
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
Speak life into your marriage and into your spouse. Pray for your marriage and your spouse. Find friends who will pray for your marriage.
If none of the above seems possible right now… if words always lead to a fight… just sit and hold hands. The physical contact will start a conversation between your souls that will open the door to communication.
If you need direction on praying for your spouse here are two good books to help you get started:
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The Power of a Praying Wife By Stormie Omartian |
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The Power of a Praying Husband, Deluxe Edition |