Our Pastor led a great teaching on finding joy in conflict. With any relationship there is bound to be some occassional conflict, but it got me thinking about our marriages. How do we deal with conflict in marriage?

With social media vehicles like Facebook and Twitter, airing conflict about our spouses in public has become really easy. I’ve been guilty of it. (I hope not recently, as it’s an area that I really felt convicted and have tried to repent and change my ways. If you ever catch me doing it, please hold me accountable!)

Several years ago, John and I were going through a pretty rough time. I spouted off every grievance I had against him to anyone and everyone who would listen. One day, I was sharing my drama with a friend and co-worker. He said to me, “Dani, if I were sitting here with John, what would he say about you?” It completely caught me off guard. I thought about it for a second and responded, “John would never say anything negative about me in public.”

Wowza!! Ok God, you’ve got my attention now! I could write a book about how that simple, truth-filled question from a friend – who was clearly put in my path by God – changed my life. It was the beginning of a journey seeking forgiveness, repenting, and quite honestly completely turning our marriage around.

It’s hard to do sometimes, but think about the bigger picture. Do you love your spouse? Will saying something negative about them help or will it just end up hurting the relationship?

My advice from experience and supported throughout the scriptures is don’t speak negatively about your spouse or post social media messages about what’s annoying you. Instead pray about it. Pray that you would see the situation from God’s view and that He would grant you wisdom for handling it. Seek forgiveness, peace and joy.

Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Philippians 2:12-17

If you are interested in watching the whole message series, “Find Joy”, please visit Mission Trails Church – Mission Valley.