Affairs have ruined too many marriages. When I sit and think about how many people I know who have an affair affect their marriage… I just shake my head. It hurts my heart. I know it hurts God’s heart as well. That is not His plan or design for marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond that no one can infiltrate. How does an affair happen? Can we “affair proof” our marriages?
My husband and I have had a conversation about “affair proofing” our marriage. We talked about ways we could protect ourselves from going down that road and eventually falling off the cliff that is surely at the end. One thing we decided was that we always need to be open with each other. This means that our phones, email accounts, and bank accounts are an open book. This is one of the many reasons we have a shared bank account. We are one… and we try to live in a way that keeps us together as much as possible.
My friend Wil Addison (Host of Airing the Addison’s at American Family Association) makes a good point about family and favor from the Lord:
“Men there is safety in family. Family provides joy, stability, true love, accomplishment, wealth and yes freedom. For a man to step out on his wife and abandon his family it’s equivalent to a man having great wealth and riches only to willingly give all of it away to another.
You want favor seek the Lord for a wife.
You desire safety and stability have kids with that wife and love and nurture them.
Two scriptures for your consideration:
Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”
Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
When dealing with marital issues that are heavier than usual I like to get advice from friends who have been married longer than us. We have learned a lot in our almost 6 years of marriage but I know there are those who have much to teach and that we have much to learn. My friend Ailie (www.p3alive.com) shared these thoughts with me:
Many a husband carries the weight of the world on their shoulders. Coming home to a family that is safe, peaceful, and accepting creates a safety net for your husband. A place where he can be himself. A place for him to relax and rest. It refreshes his soul and spurs him on to greater heights
I used to think that creating a place of safety for my husband involved a house that was sparkling clean. Over the years I have realized that while a clean house helps with stress, my husband needed something deeper from me. Here are my three tips to creating a safe place for your beloved:
1. Understanding – Often my husband needs me to be understanding of where he is at. Sometimes our husbands come home processing deadlines, meetings, and other stressors. In that moment, I find myself being prodded by the Lord to be understanding of where my man is at before I ramble my five thousand words for the day.
2. Loads of fun – Fun for a man can be food for his soul. It counters the stress they are under from the day. It transforms them into laughing, smiling men. Laugh at his jokes, smile at him when you get the chance, flirt with him (even in front of your kids).
3. Respect and affirmation – Find ways to affirm your husband and show him how much you respect and appreciate the man that he is. This may be in love letters on his pillow, his study, or in his car. Respect to a man is as important as love is to a woman. Speak proudly of him everywhere you go. Accept his flaws and choose to see past them. See the man that God has made him to be. Show him his value and his worth.
The enemy does not want your marriage to succeed. Sadly, the world is not cheering you on my either. Everywhere you look there are tv shows and images that do not promote a healthy and Godly marriage. Another way you can protect your relationship is by setting up filters. I believe in CovenantEyes as a way to easily do this for you and your family. I believe in it so much that I am willing to be an affiliate for them and share this link with you. I believe anything that aims to keep pure things in front of our eyes will help our marriages.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Wanting to “affair proof” our marriages might seem a bit extreme to some. However, if we are going to be extreme about anything shouldn’t it be our marriage/family?