It is time to celebrate! It has been one year! | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

October 31, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

It is time to celebrate! I struggled for the longest time to write on a regular basis. It wasn’t until I finally was obedient to the call to write from God that I was able to do it. It has been one year since I wrote about how God called me to write. I was looking back over the posts I’ve written in the last year and thought sharing a bit from the top 5 visited posts would be a fun way to celebrate all that God has done.

10 encouraging Bible verses for your marriage. |Stacy Hudson|Better Than Newlyweds

One of the verses from the most read blog post, “10 encouraging Bible verse for your marriage“, is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God has really used the verse to help me show me that Love is not just some mushy gushy feeling we have. Love is a choice. Love is hard work. Love is worth it. I have learned how to apply this to my marriage more but He has also shown me how to apply this to other relationships as well. Love makes all the difference.

Reviving the Intimacy in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

I was very surprised when my post on reviving the intimacy on your marriage became the second most read post in one day! It just showed me how much people want to keep their marriages strong. Intimacy in a marriage is so important. Just like it is in our relationship with Jesus. If we do not make time for alone time with Him our relationship with Him will suffer. If we do not make intimacy with our husbands a priority our relationship will suffer.

I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage. I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.

Can we “affair proof” our marriages? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

The devil has no new tricks. He will do whatever he can to cause division and separation in your marriage. We knew this was true for our marriage as well. We want to do our best to prevent any division in our marriage. This was very important to us. It is important to all my BTN readers as well who made “Can we affair proof our marriages?” the 3rd most read post.

My husband and I have had a conversation about “affair proofing” our marriage. We talked about ways we could protect ourselves from going down that road and eventually falling off the cliff that is surely at the end. One thing we decided was that we always need to be open with each other. This means that our phones, email accounts, and bank accounts are an open book. This is one of the many reasons we have a shared bank account. We are one… and we try to live in a way that keeps us together as much as possible.

If We’re Honest About Past Hurts | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

Over the past year God has taught me a lot about how, if we are not careful, we can let past hurts affect present relationships. This is not how God intended it to be. In our marriages God wants us to be free to be who we are and able to grow. This means we have to trust our husbands. Trusting our husbands is hard if we are holding on to past hurts. The same applies to our friendships. If we’re honest about past hurts (4th most read post) I think we all would have some changes to make.

God has been dealing with me lately about friendships. And I don’t mean casual friendships. I’m not even talking about close friends. I am talking about the kind of relationship that makes a person family. A friendship where the blood of Christ makes you sisters. The kind of friendships I think we all desire to have.

I’ve been wondering why God would have me share so much lately about friendship (or rather the unexplainable sisterhood thru Jesus) here where the focus is marriage. It is simple but yet complex … we need those kind of relationships to grow. We need those kind of relationships to turn us back to Jesus during hard times. We need them during hard times in our marriages to turn us back to our husbands.

The devil Wants to Keep You “Feeling Defeated”| Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

The devil has no new tricks. I find myself saying that a lot lately. But it is true. He is always trying to cause strife, division, doubt, and anything else that will keep us feeling defeated. The devil wants to keep you feeling defeated (5th most read post). If he can keep you feeling defeated he can keep you from doing all that God has called you to do. Don’t let him. Press in and pray and serve God anyways.

Life is too short and God is too big to give the devil any help in keeping us feeling defeated. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection from the grave the only one who is defeated is the devil! We have to recognize that and walk in victory daily or we help the enemy with his plan to keep us feeling defeated.

I said “feeling defeated” because it is a mindset. If we are in Christ then we already have the victory. The devil knows that but he is going to do all he can to make us feel like we are defeated. We have to do all we can to remain in God’s truth so we know who He is and who we are in Him!

The devil wants to keep you “feeling defeated” by condemning you and reminding you of your past. If he can keep you focused on the mistakes you made before you were “in Christ” he can keep you from walking in victory. Whatever the lie from the enemy is there is always an answer in His word.

In tough times choose unity | Better Than Newlyweds | Guest Blogger: Ailie Baumann

October 17, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

In tough times choose unity over anger and blame

Unity in marriage is probably one of the best strategies to fireproof your marriage. In the midst of tough times, it becomes easy to get angry with our spouse, jump on the blame wagon or get caught up in the enemy’s attacks.

Of course, the enemy does come to steal, kill and destroy. He is after our families and marriages. However, I would rather focus on keeping a united front with my husband in tough times than give the enemy attention.

Why do I say this? Because one of the best ways to engage in spiritual warfare is to remain in unity with your spouse. Plus, I love being on the receiving end of God’s blessings.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!…For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore. Psalm 133:1, 3b

This Psalm is one of my favorites. I love the picture the psalmist used to describe unity. It’s part of our worship to the Lord.

This week God really began speaking to me about unity. My hubby and I have been facing a tough financial year. A couple of weeks ago we found out that our finances were back to where they were in March this year. I felt all our efforts had been for naught.

Still, I wasn’t as confronted with the importance of unity until Wednesday night. I was heading for prayer meeting at my church when I got fined by the cops for not renewing my car license (Grrrr). I don’t know who I was angrier at myself, my husband or God.

As I sat watching a testimony being played off YouTube the Lord gently said to me:

Don’t partner with anger or blame; it will break your unity. Keep a united front with Sean.

Immediately, my anger dissolved. Being angry or trying to blame wasn’t going to solve anything. I messaged my hubby and told him that I didn’t want to partner with anger or blame. We are a team and together we will come through our tough times.

Ok. I admit. This week we still had a quarrel so this is a work in progress. That being said, I am aware of unity in our marriage. The more united we are with our spouse, the more our homes are filled with peace, joy, and kindness.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

At the end of the day, speaking to our spouse in anger doesn’t accomplish much. I can’t think of one example in my marriage where anger accomplished anything helpful. No. All anger has done is put a rift between me and my husband. Kindness, gentleness, and genuine encouragement serve to keep our hearts connected to each other.

When we present a united front to the world we enter a “force field” of godly protection. Life and the enemy can shoot darts at us but they merely bounce off hitting the ground ineffective and useless. Hurray.

Our marriages thrive in unity. Fun, flirting and joy echoes through your home causing your children to giggle or shake their ends in amusement at their love struck parents. Secretly, your children’s hearts are warmed at the love and security unity brings to them. Choose today to partner with God and choose unity.

How to be a Trustworthy Wife | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

October 10, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Don’t you want to be a trustworthy wife? I know I do. I want my husband to know he can trust me and depend on me just like I trust and depend on him. We are a team. God is our coach. (Cheesy yes… but also true.)

” The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Proverbs 31:11-12

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I have read this verse many time before in my lifetime but this last time I read it God kept it in my mind. I kept thinking about the part where he would have “no lack of gain.” Who wouldn’t want that for their husbands right? I want that for him so badly because he works so hard. What hit me this time was the part that came before it, the precursor if you will to the “no lack of gain” part, was about me.

This got me thinking and asking questions. It made me take a personal inventory. Does this mean that if my husband can’t trust me he will have lack and no gain? Does this mean if he lacks confidence in me that that will result in lack? What can I do to earn his trust and confidence? How can I be a trustworthy wife? The very next verse answers that question.

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

He will trust me when I do him good and not evil. He will have confidence in me when I encourage and help him. The trustworthy wife seeks to do him good all the days of her life.

As much as we might want it to the Bible doesn’t say “the husband who is constantly corrected or put down by his wife will have no lack of gain” …it says the opposite! The Bible brings up “nagging” (or similar words) several times. That means we should take note and then take inventory of our motives.

Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife. Proverbs 21:9

Better to live in a wilderness
than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife. Proverbs 21:19

And another repetition…which means “pay attention”

Better to live on the corner of a roof

than to share a house with a nagging wife. Proverbs 25:24

I do not think most wives “nag” on purpose. I think the majority of us truly want our husbands to do well and feel that we can help them if they would only listen to us. If that is not your motivation I would beg you to search your heart and ask God to help you in that area.

In order to be a trustworthy wife we must acknowledge that God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His plans greater than our plans.

What if we are hindering our husbands instead of helping? What if we are also hindering ourselves?

What if we realized that our help comes from God so we should let God be our husband’s help as well?!? We would see that in giving up that control and the need to fix him and put him down the path we want for him…not only would he gain freedom but we would gain freedom as well. It was never God’s intention our husband’s choices to sit on our shoulders. When we give that up and give it to God… it is in His hands and it is on Him to bring the “no lack of gain”to pass.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Psalm 121

My Help Comes from the Lord
A Song of Ascents.

121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

If I am always seeking God’s heart my husband’s heart is safe and he can trust me. If I always look to God for my help then my husband can trust me.

If I am always seeking God’s heart my husband’s heart is safe and he can trust me.

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My friend Ailie from www.p3alive.com shared with me how she fights for her husband’s heart and how her husband can trust her when God is her anchor. She is a trusthworthy wife because she draws he strength and peace from God.

I fight for my husband’s heart by running to Jesus. It doesn’t matter how different we are in our spiritual views. The more I am in God’s presence the more equipped I am to love deeply, extend utmost respect and treat his heart sensitively. God is my anchor. He keeps me steady. This is where my hubby can find himself trusting me. I can handle life because God handles me. Instead of being caught up in the whirlwinds of circumstances, my hubby can lean into the peace and strength God brings to me and also to him through me.

A trustworthy wife is the crown of her husband

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

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I want to be the crown of my husband. I do not want to bring him shame and rottenness in his bones. There is no middle ground and no grey area. The options are clear but that doesn’t mean the choice is easy. It is hard to give up control when we love them so much. It is hard to give up what we desire for them because we care so much. However, I think that is exactly why we must give up control. So, maybe the choice isn’t that hard after all?

Do you have your husband’s back? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

September 26, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Do you have your husband’s back? I am not just talking about defending him when someone says something mean about him. I am talking about fighting spiritual battles with him as if they were your own. After all, they are yours aren’t they? When you got married you became one. When (not if) the devil attacks your husband it will affect your marriage and eventually you. How it affects your marriage and you…is up to you.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

The devil wants to cause division in your marriage. He knows this is the key to division between you and God using your marriage as a wedge. He wants you to feel alone and on your own so that you become bitter towards your husband and then God. He wants you to continue to think it is your husband you are fighting. When you are fighting each other no one can win because you are on the same team. The devil wants to convince us that we are on opposite sides as soon as we get married. If we can be convinced of that we will forget that we are actually fighting him. A marriage like that is in self destruct mode and he won’t even have to work that hard to cause division between spouses and eventually between each of them and God.

How can you be sure to have your husband’s back?

It has to start with a renewing of our minds. We need to change our mindset about fighting. One train of thought that needs to be derailed is that because you are married you have to have big blow out fights! I imagine most of us picture ourselves fighting face to face and having a screaming match with our words. This is what is portrayed in movies and TV shows but I don’t think this is the heart of God for marriage. Our tongues have the power of life and death and I think we all too often do not use enough care with our words. I think this sometimes stems from not caring enough to listen with our ears first. Most of us would probably choose different words if we listened first then thought of our response instead of thinking of our response while they are talking.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Proverbs 18:21

let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

James 1:19

I would like you to imagine a new way of fighting. Picture yourself back to back with your husband. It would be much harder to have a screaming match with each other while back to back right? That is the point. The sooner we adopt this “back to back” posture, the sooner our focus can go where it belongs.

“And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

Our focus should be fighting the devil, together, as a unit. When we change our position from face to face to back to back we are humbling ourselves and resisting the devil’s attempt at division. If we are constantly fighting each other… we are doing his work for him. But if we instead would have each other’s backs… and together resisted him… he would have to flee.

But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4:6,7

I do not think it is an accident that God “gives grace to the humble” and then gives us the formula for making the devil flee. The formula starts with submitting to God and then resisting the devil…and he will flee. As a married couple… to change our way of fighting… would be humbling. In the middle of an argument for me to stop and say… “you know what?! It doesn’t matter if I am right because the devil is wrong for attacking my marriage!”… would be humbling. It would shift the focus off of me and back to we.

shift the focus off of me and back to we

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No one else can have your husband’s back like you can!

We must be purposeful and determined to stand back to back with our husband wearing our armor with swords drawn ready to fight the real enemy. And when (not if) our husbands gets tired we must be willing to fight for them. It is really an honor for me to fight with my husband for our marriage instead of bragging rights. No one else on the planet has the position in my husband’s life that I do. I always want him to know and feel like I have his back.

“And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:11-13

The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.

Proverbs 31:11

Marriage is the only bond that is a walking representation of Jesus and His bride, the church. If things seem a bit harder after saying “I do” it is because when a couple says “I Do” they become a target. If the devil can keep us focused on “me me me”, he wins. If we can flip the “me” over to a “we” the devil will flee.

If the devil can keep us focused on “me me me”, he wins. If we can flip the “me” over to a “we” the devil will flee.

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In what ways do you have your husband’s back?

How to Balance Marriage and…everything else! | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

August 8, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Learning to balance marriage and…well everything else… is harder than I thought it would be…yanno…when I thought about marriage and I was single and naive about marriage!

I had no clue what it meant to balance marriage and everything else. At that point I doubt I even considered the balancing act adding a child to my marriage would require. We are at a point in our lives where we are busier than ever. This means that we must make each other a priority now more than ever. If we do not do this I think a few things would happen. We would lose each other in the blur of life. We would not be showing our daughter what a Godly marriage looks like, especially in busy times.

I’ve sought out advice on how to balance marriage and everything else from wives who have been married longer than me. I have learned a lot over the past 5 years of marriage but I know I will always have more to learn.

Allie of www.p3alive.com shares her thoughts on keeping a strong marriage amidst the demands of parenthood:

Being a family of five has come with its challenges. Often I feel pulled in different directions doubting myself as a wife and a mom. How do you keep a strong marriage amidst the demands of parenthood? Often sacrificially. I ask God “what does my husband need today?” I follow what I feel is God’s reply. Sometimes it means keeping quiet, sometimes it’s space, and other times it’s acts of kindness and love. Yes, its hard. I have had to put my needs aside often to build my hubby up. I remind myself that the best gift I can give my children is a happy marriage. Marriage is all about unconditional and sacrificial love. It’s about laying your life down for your spouse and watching your marriage flourish.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

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Another thing I have learned is to not get on the whose right and whose wrong wagon. It doesn’t matter. What matters is heart connection. What am I doing to keep my heart connected to my spouse.

As 1 Corinthians 13 says love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

In order to successfully balance marriage and everything else you must set priorities.

Setting priorities and being able to keep them is a game changer in marriage. I think it is a game changer in life. Period. Making sure those priorities are in the right order is key. In a marriage with children it is easy to fall into the mindset of putting the children first. It sounds like a good and noble thing to do, right? While it may feel like that I really think in the long run it is not good for your marriage or your children. One day your kid(s) won’t be there and if you have not cultivated your marriage for those 18+ years they are around… you will have no fruits to show for all of those years. If you have not watered your marriage while you also raised children… you will end up in a desert rather than a lush forest. Which place would you rather be?

Liz from My Messy Desk shares about setting the right priorities and making needed changes:

While my priorities never change – God, husband, kids, self, vocation, serving others – the time and attention required by each of those differs with the seasons and ages.

Both the beginning and the end of the school year are opportune times to fine tune my schedule. So are, New Years Day, every time we move, and when my hubby deploys or comes home.

Intentionally focusing on my priorities from God’s perspective brings clarity, purpose, and increased productivity. And that makes for a much healthier and happier me.

So, I want to share with you the questions I ask myself at these points of pause when I overhaul my schedule.

What is going well in my life?

Where could I stand to make some improvements?

What important tasks keep getting pushed to the bottom of my to-do list?

What am I doing that doesn’t align with my priorities or add value to my life?

Are there any new inherent responsibilities during this season?

Have any previous commitments expired freeing up time for other opportunities?

Which of my priorities requires the greatest investment of time now?

When are my most productive blocks of time?

What do I need more of to feel fulfillment in my life?

What is draining my energy, inspiration, or delight with the life I’m living?

I block off time to spend in prayer and ask God to guide my thoughts and responses in accordance with His purposes. Then I journal the answers as they relate to each of my priorities. To help guide you through the process I created a free printable worksheet just for you.

*Download your free printable here: Makeover My Schedule Worksheet.

Eventually, the time comes to make hard decisions. Some things must go. It’s inevitable. But the blow is softened when this intentional process ensures that what remains or is added aligns precisely with God’s priorities for my life.

Prayer as a priority helps us balance marriage and everything life throws at us.

Because we value prayer, it has become a priority in our marriage.We pray together each night before the baby goes to sleep. This is something we started before I got pregnant. It changed our marriage. We are now teaching our daughter the importance of prayer. She even knows now that when Daddy says “In Jesus’ Name” that it’s time to say “Amen!” and she does so with joy!

Amanda from newlifeovernight.com shares about their nightly routine and what keeps their marriage strong:

One thing that keeps my marriage strong with kids and work is that every night after we put the kids to bed, we make sure that we spend time together. We get our showers and watch TV in bed or read in bed together. We say a prayer together and read a chapter in the Bible. This helps keep our marriage strong.

Another thing that helps us balance marriage and everything else is … date nights!

While it is hard to make the time sometimes…we know that date nights are important. We are very blessed and live close to both sets of grand parents! Both sets Love keeping our daughter and we try to drop her off and have a date night at least once a month. It doesn’t always work out and sometimes we end up having date night at home. No matter how or where it happens we both know that by being alone and able to focus on one another on a date… reconnects us and keeps our Love tanks full.

How do you balance marriage and everything else?! What ways do you continue to date in your marriage?

If this helped you please share it with a friend… or even better…. your spouse! 😀 Thanks!

In tough times choose unity over anger and blame

In order to be a trustworthy wife we must acknowledge that God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His plans greater than our plans.

A trustworthy wife is the crown of her husband

How can you be sure to have your husband’s back?

No one else can have your husband’s back like you can!

In what ways do you have your husband’s back?

Learning to balance marriage and…well everything else… is harder than I thought it would be…yanno…when I thought about marriage and I was single and naive about marriage!

In order to successfully balance marriage and everything else you must set priorities.

Prayer as a priority helps us balance marriage and everything life throws at us.

Another thing that helps us balance marriage and everything else is … date nights!

AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE