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20 Simple Axioms for Marriage

November 20, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

One of my favorite marriage sites shared this list of 20 axioms… it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what that word means! The list is pretty simple and I think it can help any marriage if the spouses try to do these things… even if only some of the time!

This list is not exhaustive – there’s much more to be said about loving each other God’s way. Also, this list isn’t in any particular order other than number 1. I just wanted to share a few thoughts I’ve jotted down over the past few months… I hope they’re as profound for you as they are for Selena and I.

God first
Complete transparency
Fight naked
Never quit
Play together
Laugh often
More sex
Say sorry
Be affectionate
Forgive quickly
Tackle mountains
Pray together
Never lie
Speak love
Joke often
Date regularly
Seek understanding
Touch intentionally
Love faithfully
Minister together
Communicate constantly
Seek unity
Build trust
Support eachother

Ok, the last 4 were bonuses…

via 20 Simple Axioms for Marriage » Fierce Marriage.

Help Your Depressed Spouse – DO’s and DON’Ts

November 18, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

If your spouse is sad of course you would want to help. But depression is a more serious issue. It needs to handled differently than if someone is just having a bad day. If approached the wrong way it could hurt more than help.

Below is a list of some key signs of depression and then a list of DO’s and DON’Ts to help you help your depressed spouse!

No matter what continue to pray for them and show them God’s Love.

A few key signs of depression are:

Daily sadness
Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
Restless, anxious or irritable behavior
Trouble concentrating, focusing or remembering
Excessive weariness and lethargy
Sleeping or eating too much or too little
Unexplained aches and pains
Thoughts of suicide or death

If you recognize any of these symptoms persisting in a spouse for more than a few weeks, check with your family doctor.

Preparing Yourself to Help Your Depressed Spouse

Flight attendants always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone next to you. In the same way, it’s important to prepare yourself before attempting to assist others when a spouse is depressed. Deep sorrow can be infectious, and it’s not uncommon for caregivers to develop symptoms of depression themselves. Guard against this possibility by eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and staying in the Word.

Also keep an eye on your kids. Children are often vulnerable to a parent’s anxiety. One study indicates that 20% of 10-year-olds whose mothers suffered from depression were themselves victims within five years.

Don’t underestimate the value of caring friends and family at times like this. Let loved ones help you with day-to-day tasks, and allow them to listen to and pray with you. The surest way to intensify your struggle is to isolate yourself and your immediate family from those who love you.

Reaching Out to Help Your Depressed Spouse

When a spouse understands that clinical depression is a genuine medical condition, he or she may actually feel empowered. It’s encouraging to realize there are a number of tangible ways to help your depressed spouse:

Pray fervently with and for them.
Share meaningful Scripture verses.
Help them see that the family needs them to get well.
Listen; give credibility to their feelings.
Seek help for yourself and offer to see a therapist with them.
Encourage them to consider medication; research shows that 80% of those suffering from depressive disorders can be treated successfully with modern medications.
Show affection; encourage them to get out and do things with you.

DON’T

Tell your loved one to just pray about it or make them feel like healing would come if they’d simply trust God more.
Make them feel guilty for the impact of their illness on the family.
Blame or criticize them.
Imply that they need help because they’re weak. Also, don’t immediately exclude other family members from counseling. Sometimes, complex relational issues involving several family members can spark depression.
Expect medication to solve everything. Also, don’t discount the need for prayer — and possibly therapy.
Let them continue in a pattern of sleep and isolation.

via How to Help When Your Spouse Is Depressed – Focus on the Family.

Bible Verses About Marriage

October 31, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

Bible Verses About Marriage

The best defense against the lies from the enemy is to know God’s truth. Below is a list of Bible Verses About Marriage. Print them out and put them on your bathroom mirror or stick it on your fridge. Put the list somewhere you will see it often and be reminded of God’s design for marriage.

Genesis 2:18-24
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Deuteronomy 24:5
If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

Matthew 19:4-6
Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Mark 10:6-9
“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

1 Corinthians 7: 1-16
Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Colossians 3:18,19
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Hebrews 13:4-7
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

A Forever Dance

August 23, 2013 by Charity Rios

Hello Readers!

My name is Charity, and I am the newest addition to the “Better than Newlyweds” team. Thanks so much to everyone for the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful blog.

They called all the married couples onto the dance floor for a contest, at a wedding I recently attended.

Immediately, I grabbed my husband’s hand yanking him away from his fettuccini. I love contests especially if there is even a hint of a prize. A familiar Frank Sinatra tune began to play as the DJ explained the rules, all the married couples would dance and as they called out numbers 1,5,10, 25 ect…if you had been married for fewer years than that number, you would leave the dance floor. The couple married the longest would remain dancing and be the winners.

My husband and I having our first dance at our wedding! So excited to spend forever with this man. Photo: Lauren Jones Photography

My husband and I have been married for almost a year, so I knew we would be out the first round.

As we sat back down again, my husband joyfully reunited with his fettuccini, I watched in awe as two couples remained. They were holding each other as they called out: “5 years, 15 years, how about 30 years? 45 years, 50 years…60 years!”

The two couples faces beamed with joy and pride as they looked out at the wedding guests. I began to weep. It was a day when a man and women covenanted their lives together. And it was a day two couples could stand, one couple barely able to maneuver themselves to the center of the room, because they knew the steps of faithfulness. They were rocking to the cadence of covenant.

I wasn’t sure if the swaying was dancing or the wobbling of tierd muscles, because they all needed a bit of support to stay vertical. Regardless, they held eachother tenderly and fiercely. With each subtle step across the floor, I saw a richness of love that only years of faithfulness can grow, I heard the sweetness of covenant unbroken with each feable step, and I felt the presence of God swelling above the music, His whispers singing, “this is what you were made for.”

I want so many things in life: to publish a book, to travel to Europe, to never burn dinner in the oven because I was pinteresting, to figure out how to control my curly locks, to go a whole week without being late,.. to anything. In the midst of my plans, dreams and agenda I glimpsed a rythm of profound purpose – to love my husband, to be faithful to Him with my mind, body and soul, and to respect and encourage Him better everyday.

In our less than a year of married bliss, we have already had many “discussions” (our nice way of saying arguments). We have hurt eachother’s feelings, and apologized for wrong. But we have also agreed, agreed to disagree, encouraged, sacrificed and forgiven. We have faced the challenge and sorrow of miscarrying two sweet babies. I know there will be many challenges ahead. I can’t wait to dance, shuffle, and some days wobble through everyone with my amazing husband for the next 59 years.

Don’t Complain | Mrs. Scherer

July 22, 2013 by Mrs.Scherer

Our Pastor led a great teaching on finding joy in conflict. With any relationship there is bound to be some occassional conflict, but it got me thinking about our marriages. How do we deal with conflict in marriage?

With social media vehicles like Facebook and Twitter, airing conflict about our spouses in public has become really easy. I’ve been guilty of it. (I hope not recently, as it’s an area that I really felt convicted and have tried to repent and change my ways. If you ever catch me doing it, please hold me accountable!)

Several years ago, John and I were going through a pretty rough time. I spouted off every grievance I had against him to anyone and everyone who would listen. One day, I was sharing my drama with a friend and co-worker. He said to me, “Dani, if I were sitting here with John, what would he say about you?” It completely caught me off guard. I thought about it for a second and responded, “John would never say anything negative about me in public.”

Wowza!! Ok God, you’ve got my attention now! I could write a book about how that simple, truth-filled question from a friend – who was clearly put in my path by God – changed my life. It was the beginning of a journey seeking forgiveness, repenting, and quite honestly completely turning our marriage around.

It’s hard to do sometimes, but think about the bigger picture. Do you love your spouse? Will saying something negative about them help or will it just end up hurting the relationship?

My advice from experience and supported throughout the scriptures is don’t speak negatively about your spouse or post social media messages about what’s annoying you. Instead pray about it. Pray that you would see the situation from God’s view and that He would grant you wisdom for handling it. Seek forgiveness, peace and joy.

Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Philippians 2:12-17

If you are interested in watching the whole message series, “Find Joy”, please visit Mission Trails Church – Mission Valley.

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