Better Than Newlyweds

Where the Honeymoon never ends!

Do you have your husband’s back? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Do you have your husband’s back? I am not just talking about defending him when someone says something mean about him. I am talking about fighting spiritual battles with him as if they were your own. After all, they are yours aren’t they? When you got married you became one. When (not if) the devil attacks your husband it will affect your marriage and eventually you. How it affects your marriage and you…is up to you.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
The devil wants to cause division in your marriage. He knows this is the key to division between you and God using your marriage as a wedge. He wants you to feel alone and on your own so that you become bitter towards your husband and then God. He wants you to continue to think it is your husband you are fighting. When you are fighting each other no one can win because you are on the same team. The devil wants to convince us that we are on opposite sides as soon as we get married. If we can be convinced of that we will forget that we are actually fighting him. A marriage like that is in self destruct mode and he won’t even have to work that hard to cause division between spouses and eventually between each of them and God.

How can you be sure to have your husband’s back?

It has to start with a renewing of our minds. We need to change our mindset about fighting. One train of thought that needs to be derailed is that because you are married you have to have big blow out fights! I imagine most of us picture ourselves fighting face to face and having a screaming match with our words. This is what is portrayed in movies and TV shows but I don’t think this is the heart of God for marriage. Our tongues have the power of life and death and I think we all too often do not use enough care with our words. I think this sometimes stems from not caring enough to listen with our ears first. Most of us would probably choose different words if we listened first then thought of our response instead of thinking of our response while they are talking.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21
let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 1:19
I would like you to imagine a new way of fighting. Picture yourself back to back with your husband. It would be much harder to have a screaming match with each other while back to back right? That is the point. The sooner we adopt this “back to back” posture, the sooner our focus can go where it belongs.
“And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Our focus should be fighting the devil, together, as a unit. When we change our position from face to face to back to back we are humbling ourselves and resisting the devil’s attempt at division. If we are constantly fighting each other… we are doing his work for him. But if we instead would have each other’s backs… and together resisted him… he would have to flee.
But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 
James 4:6,7
I do not think it is an accident that God “gives grace to the humble” and then gives us the formula for making the devil flee. The formula starts with submitting to God and then resisting the devil…and he will flee. As a married couple… to change our way of fighting… would be humbling. In the middle of an argument for me to stop and say… “you know what?! It doesn’t matter if I am right because the devil is wrong for attacking my marriage!”… would be humbling. It would shift the focus off of me and back to we. 

No one else can have your husband’s back like you can!

We must be purposeful and determined to stand back to back with our husband wearing our armor with swords drawn ready to fight the real enemy. And when (not if) our husbands gets tired we must be willing to fight for them. It is really an honor for me to fight with my husband for our marriage instead of bragging rights. No one else on the planet has the position in my husband’s life that I do. I always want him to know and feel like I have his back.
 “And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:11-13
The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
Proverbs 31:11
Marriage is the only bond that is a walking representation of Jesus and His bride, the church. If things seem a bit harder after saying “I do” it is because when a couple says “I Do” they become a target. If the devil can keep us focused on “me me me”, he wins.  If we can flip the “me” over to a “we” the devil will flee. 

In what ways do you have your husband’s back?

I Used to Judge You

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I’ll admit it.  I used to judge you.  Yea you, the parents with the kids, who often dropped their kids off or got a baby sitter and went out without them.  The horror…

I am older and wiser now, and even apologetic for my judgmental behavior.  After having my first child, I was THAT mom.  I was the mom who completely submerged herself in the dream that was motherhood.  We had bath time, and bedtime, and play time and clean up time, and all before my kid was even old enough to appreciate the structure.

While I am still a huge advocate for schedules, I have realized the error of my ways.  My regimen dictated every aspect of our lives.  I completely forgot about the fact that I was even a wife because– oh Holy Grail–  I was a MOTHER.  What’s worse is that I somehow justified that I was being a good wife by being a good mother.  I was wrong…

We no longer have only one child, and I have realized somewhere in the madness that my most important calling, above all else, is being a wife.  Parents, let me let you in on a little secret.  The best thing you can do for your children is to focus on your marriage.  A happy marriage makes a happy home.  Conversely, an unhappy marriage makes an unhappy home.  And I can tell you that your children, whether 6 months, 6 or 16, REALIZE when your marriage is unhappy.

Now most certainly, I am by no means advocating negligence or abandonment.  But do you know what?  In some years, those kiddies that you are so focused on are inevitably going to get their own life.  And they will leave you behind.  Do you know what you will be left with?  That sweet spouse with which you embarked on the journey.  Don’t let them become a stranger in the process.

Sure you may have piano lessons, football practice, homework, and Parent Night.  Life is full of obligations and responsibilities that often leave us in a whirlwind.  But don’t forget to treat your spouse as a priority.  You are a HUSBAND.  You are a WIFE.  A parent, yes.  But a spouse first.  Go on a date.  Get some coffee.  Take 30 minutes after the kids are asleep to just TALK.  Whatever it takes.  Take time today to focus on your spouse…

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