intimacy Archives - Better Than Newlyweds

It is time to celebrate! I struggled for the longest time to write on a regular basis. It wasn’t until I finally was obedient to the call to write from God that I was able to do it. It has been one year since I wrote about how God called me to write. I was looking back over the posts I’ve written in the last year and thought sharing a bit from the top 5 visited posts would be a fun way to celebrate all that God has done.

10 encouraging Bible verses for your marriage. |Stacy Hudson|Better Than Newlyweds

One of the verses from the most read blog post, “10 encouraging Bible verse for your marriage“, is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God has really used the verse to help me show me that Love is not just some mushy gushy feeling we have. Love is a choice. Love is hard work. Love is worth it. I have learned how to apply this to my marriage more but He has also shown me how to apply this to other relationships as well. Love makes all the difference.

Reviving the Intimacy in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

I was very surprised when my post on reviving the intimacy on your marriage became the second most read post in one day! It just showed me how much people want to keep their marriages strong. Intimacy in a marriage is so important. Just like it is in our relationship with Jesus. If we do not make time for alone time with Him our relationship with Him will suffer. If we do not make intimacy with our husbands a priority our relationship will suffer.

I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage. I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.

Can we “affair proof” our marriages? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

The devil has no new tricks. He will do whatever he can to cause division and separation in your marriage. We knew this was true for our marriage as well. We want to do our best to prevent any division in our marriage. This was very important to us. It is important to all my BTN readers as well who made “Can we affair proof our marriages?” the 3rd most read post.

My husband and I have had a conversation about “affair proofing” our marriage. We talked about ways we could protect ourselves from going down that road and eventually falling off the cliff that is surely at the end. One thing we decided was that we always need to be open with each other. This means that our phones, email accounts, and bank accounts are an open book. This is one of the many reasons we have a shared bank account. We are one… and we try to live in a way that keeps us together as much as possible.

If We’re Honest About Past Hurts | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

Over the past year God has taught me a lot about how, if we are not careful, we can let past hurts affect present relationships. This is not how God intended it to be. In our marriages God wants us to be free to be who we are and able to grow. This means we have to trust our husbands. Trusting our husbands is hard if we are holding on to past hurts. The same applies to our friendships. If we’re honest about past hurts (4th most read post) I think we all would have some changes to make.

God has been dealing with me lately about friendships. And I don’t mean casual friendships. I’m not even talking about close friends. I am talking about the kind of relationship that makes a person family. A friendship where the blood of Christ makes you sisters. The kind of friendships I think we all desire to have.

I’ve been wondering why God would have me share so much lately about friendship (or rather the unexplainable sisterhood thru Jesus) here where the focus is marriage. It is simple but yet complex … we need those kind of relationships to grow. We need those kind of relationships to turn us back to Jesus during hard times. We need them during hard times in our marriages to turn us back to our husbands.

The devil Wants to Keep You “Feeling Defeated”| Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

The devil has no new tricks. I find myself saying that a lot lately. But it is true. He is always trying to cause strife, division, doubt, and anything else that will keep us feeling defeated. The devil wants to keep you feeling defeated (5th most read post). If he can keep you feeling defeated he can keep you from doing all that God has called you to do. Don’t let him. Press in and pray and serve God anyways.

Life is too short and God is too big to give the devil any help in keeping us feeling defeated. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection from the grave the only one who is defeated is the devil! We have to recognize that and walk in victory daily or we help the enemy with his plan to keep us feeling defeated.

I said “feeling defeated” because it is a mindset. If we are in Christ then we already have the victory. The devil knows that but he is going to do all he can to make us feel like we are defeated. We have to do all we can to remain in God’s truth so we know who He is and who we are in Him!

The devil wants to keep you “feeling defeated” by condemning you and reminding you of your past. If he can keep you focused on the mistakes you made before you were “in Christ” he can keep you from walking in victory. Whatever the lie from the enemy is there is always an answer in His word.

Reviving the intimacy in your marriage was probably not something you thought about when you were newlyweds. Let’s be honest, at the start of a marriage the endorphins are pumping and all is right in the world. The pressures of the outside world don’t affect a marriage as much in the beginning. Somewhere along the way things change. At some point “Look he left his socks on the floor! He is such an adorable mess!” changes to “SOCKS! on the floor! AGAIN!”. And the same thing happens with whatever things our husbands saw as cute in the beginning.

As simple as socks on the floor may sound…this issue… compounded with other more serious issues (that arise as a marriage progresses) can affect the intimacy in a marriage. I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about every level of intimacy. The bills pile up or the kids are all sick and suddenly you realize you and your husband have not had a moment alone in weeks. You notice that you can’t even remember the last time you held his hand or even asked him how his day was. Some intimacy has slipped away.

Intimacy slips away sometimes because of things we can’t control and other times because of things we can control.

Intimacy slips away when the kids are sick or someone has to work overtime. It also slips when we choose to spend time on our phones/computers or with friends rather than our spouse. Kids getting sick or work are things we can’t usually control. How we spend our time, on the other hand, is something we can control.

It is important to establish habits, boundaries, and expectations that will revive the intimacy in your marriage.

Using a tool such as *Covenant Eyes to set up healthy boundaries and build trust is a good place to start. {*I have included my affiliate link here because I really believe you could benefit from it}

My husband and I are blessed. We both have had a tremendous example set for us by our parents who have been married over 40 years. One expectation or boundary we learned from our parents is to “never go to bed angry”. Before we got married I never thought much about this line my mom would say often. Because, after all, we didn’t fight… ever really. I know now that THAT was the all the endorphins pumping.

After we got married I realized why she said it so much. It is such a simple yet important thing for a marriage. If we had not had this expectation/boundary in place early in our marriage I know that our relationship would not be what it is now. I know that our communication and intimacy level would have suffered because of a lack of communication and intimacy when we needed it most. I am excited to share with you some more marriage insight from my amazing mom.

I remember when our kids were young they each had had activities they were involved in. I was always on the road getting them where they needed to be. They were all playing ball one summer and all on different teams. That was a busy summer. They also had piano lessons ,gymnastics, and sports during the school year. I was totally involved in keeping it all going. The kids had become the real focus of my life. I didn’t realize I had neglected my husband and our marriage.

One night my husband and I talked all night and shared our feelings. He felt neglected. I was so busy with the kids that I didn’t have any energy to put into our marriage. We needed to reconnect as husband and wife. We needed to work together to keep things on an even keel. We needed to save energy and time for our marriage. We needed to make each other a priority again. That was a turning point in our lives. We have been married 42 years in October. Our children are grown and have good lives. We have 2 grand daughters and life is good. We are very happy. I am thankful for that long night many years ago when we took time out to work on our marriage. Thank God we did.

I am thankful for that long night many years ago too. Because my parents made the choice to invest in their marriage I am reaping the benefits in my marriage. And now our daughter will reap the benefits of their choice as well. It is a powerful thing to see generation after generation not just still married after 40 years but also still in Love.

I am blessed to have an online friend across the globe in South Africa. Ailie Baumann writes at www.p3alive.com. I asked her to share about the issue of intimacy in her marriage. I am always so blessed when those who have been married longer than we have share their wisdom. The Bible does instruct us to teach young women right? I do my best to learn… and to teach…because at my age I am stuck somewhere in the middle.

“Older women likewise are to be… teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:3-5).

Ailie shared with me that…

“About four years ago, I was confronted with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I saw that my husband needed encouragement and affirmation. Our middle boy was only a few months old at the time. That Christmas, God led me to a random Christian blog post that talked about an intimacy box. This lady used it more for sexual intimacy as a way to save her marriage from divorce. My marriage was far from divorce but I still felt God prompt me to create my own intimacy box for my husband as a Christmas present.

I went and got several trinkets and goodies for foot spas, massage, coffee at home and some of my hubby’s favourites. I wrote him a love letter and told him I was committing to give him 30 days of intimacy.

At first I was adamant about 30 consecutive days, hubby had other ideas. Seeing my heart and loving me for it, he told me to just give him 30 days even if they weren’t consecutive. The results were incredible. Our hearts bonded deeper with each other. I learned much about sacrificial love. After several weeks, my hubby began to reciprocate back. The result was a deeper level of intimacy and deeper friendship. It truly was a God-idea.

What an amazing thing to do for her husband. I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage. I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.