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Where the Honeymoon never ends!

How to be a Trustworthy Wife | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Don’t you want to be a trustworthy wife? I know I do. I want my husband to know he can trust me and depend on me just like I trust and depend on him. We are a team. God is our coach. (Cheesy yes… but also true.)

” The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” Proverbs 31:11-12
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I have read this verse many time before in my lifetime but this last time I read it God kept it in my mind. I kept thinking about the part where he would have “no lack of gain.” Who wouldn’t want that for their husbands right? I want that for him so badly because he works so hard. What hit me this time was the part that came before it, the precursor if you will to the “no lack of gain” part, was about me.

This got me thinking and asking questions. It made me take a personal inventory. Does this mean that if my husband can’t trust me he will have lack and no gain? Does this mean if he lacks confidence in me that that will result in lack? What can I do to earn his trust and confidence?  How can I be a trustworthy wife? The very next verse answers that question.

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

He will trust me when I do him good and not evil. He will have confidence in me when I encourage and help him. The trustworthy wife seeks to do him good all the days of her life.

As much as we might want it to the Bible doesn’t say “the husband who is constantly corrected or put down by his wife will have no lack of gain” …it says the opposite! The Bible brings up “nagging” (or similar words) several times. That means we should take note and then take inventory of our motives.
Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife. Proverbs 21:9
Better to live in a wilderness
than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife. Proverbs 21:19
And another repetition…which means “pay attention”
Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife. Proverbs 25:24
I do not think most wives “nag” on purpose. I think the majority of us truly want our husbands to do well and feel that we can help them if they would only listen to us. If that is not your motivation I would beg you to search your heart and ask God to help you in that area.

In order to be a trustworthy wife we must acknowledge that God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His plans greater than our plans.

What if we are hindering our husbands instead of helping? What if we are also hindering ourselves?
What if we realized that our help comes from God so we should let God be our husband’s help as well?!? We would see that in giving up that control and the need to fix him and put him down the path we want for him…not only would he gain freedom but we would gain freedom as well. It was never God’s intention our husband’s choices to sit on our shoulders. When we give that up and give it to God… it is in His hands and it is on Him to bring the “no lack of gain”to pass.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

Psalm 121

My Help Comes from the Lord
A Song of Ascents.

121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

If I am always seeking God’s heart my husband’s heart is safe and he can trust me. If I always look to God for my help then my husband can trust me.
If I am always seeking God’s heart my husband’s heart is safe and he can trust me.
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My friend Ailie from www.p3alive.com shared with me how she fights for her husband’s heart and how her husband can trust her when God is her anchor. She is a trusthworthy wife because she draws he strength and peace from God.

I fight for my husband’s heart by running to Jesus. It doesn’t matter how different we are in our spiritual views. The more I am in God’s presence the more equipped I am to love deeply, extend utmost respect and treat his heart sensitively. God is my anchor. He keeps me steady. This is where my hubby can find himself trusting me. I can handle life because God handles me. Instead of being caught up in the whirlwinds of circumstances, my hubby can lean into the peace and strength God brings to me and also to him through me.

A trustworthy wife is the crown of her husband

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
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I want to be the crown of my husband. I do not want to bring him shame and rottenness in his bones.  There is no middle ground and no grey area. The options are clear but that doesn’t mean the choice is easy. It is hard to give up control when we love them so much. It is hard to give up what we desire for them because we care so much. However, I think that is exactly why we must give up control. So, maybe the choice isn’t that hard after all?

Do you have your husband’s back? | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Do you have your husband’s back? I am not just talking about defending him when someone says something mean about him. I am talking about fighting spiritual battles with him as if they were your own. After all, they are yours aren’t they? When you got married you became one. When (not if) the devil attacks your husband it will affect your marriage and eventually you. How it affects your marriage and you…is up to you.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
The devil wants to cause division in your marriage. He knows this is the key to division between you and God using your marriage as a wedge. He wants you to feel alone and on your own so that you become bitter towards your husband and then God. He wants you to continue to think it is your husband you are fighting. When you are fighting each other no one can win because you are on the same team. The devil wants to convince us that we are on opposite sides as soon as we get married. If we can be convinced of that we will forget that we are actually fighting him. A marriage like that is in self destruct mode and he won’t even have to work that hard to cause division between spouses and eventually between each of them and God.

How can you be sure to have your husband’s back?

It has to start with a renewing of our minds. We need to change our mindset about fighting. One train of thought that needs to be derailed is that because you are married you have to have big blow out fights! I imagine most of us picture ourselves fighting face to face and having a screaming match with our words. This is what is portrayed in movies and TV shows but I don’t think this is the heart of God for marriage. Our tongues have the power of life and death and I think we all too often do not use enough care with our words. I think this sometimes stems from not caring enough to listen with our ears first. Most of us would probably choose different words if we listened first then thought of our response instead of thinking of our response while they are talking.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21
let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
James 1:19
I would like you to imagine a new way of fighting. Picture yourself back to back with your husband. It would be much harder to have a screaming match with each other while back to back right? That is the point. The sooner we adopt this “back to back” posture, the sooner our focus can go where it belongs.
“And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Our focus should be fighting the devil, together, as a unit. When we change our position from face to face to back to back we are humbling ourselves and resisting the devil’s attempt at division. If we are constantly fighting each other… we are doing his work for him. But if we instead would have each other’s backs… and together resisted him… he would have to flee.
But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 
James 4:6,7
I do not think it is an accident that God “gives grace to the humble” and then gives us the formula for making the devil flee. The formula starts with submitting to God and then resisting the devil…and he will flee. As a married couple… to change our way of fighting… would be humbling. In the middle of an argument for me to stop and say… “you know what?! It doesn’t matter if I am right because the devil is wrong for attacking my marriage!”… would be humbling. It would shift the focus off of me and back to we. 

No one else can have your husband’s back like you can!

We must be purposeful and determined to stand back to back with our husband wearing our armor with swords drawn ready to fight the real enemy. And when (not if) our husbands gets tired we must be willing to fight for them. It is really an honor for me to fight with my husband for our marriage instead of bragging rights. No one else on the planet has the position in my husband’s life that I do. I always want him to know and feel like I have his back.
 “And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer; three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Ephesians 6:11-13
The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
Proverbs 31:11
Marriage is the only bond that is a walking representation of Jesus and His bride, the church. If things seem a bit harder after saying “I do” it is because when a couple says “I Do” they become a target. If the devil can keep us focused on “me me me”, he wins.  If we can flip the “me” over to a “we” the devil will flee. 

In what ways do you have your husband’s back?

WHEN THINGS DON’T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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What do you do when things don’t go according to plan? (According to your plan anyway) Yesterday (Sunday) I sat down to write my blog post for marriage Monday (today) and my website was down. It was an issue with my server and there was nothing I could do. I just had to wait. I’m not the best at waiting. When things don’t go according to plan I usually try to adjust the plan to get things going smoothly again. But that usually does not work either. The only thing that seems to produce is stress. And last time I checked I don’t think that was listed as a Fruit of the Spirit!?

Galatians 5:22-23. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I am a planner. God knows this. He challenges me in this daily. I am learning that I can’t really make plans if they don’t involve Him. I know that sounds simple but think about it… how often do we make plans throughout the day that don’t involve God? I do this with everything from what to cook for dinner to the more serious stuff like looking for a job. When God is not involved, in even the simple things, life is more complicated. When God is your focus and is at the center of your thoughts… peace flows like a river.

Several times over the past week God has brought the picture of a river to my mind. On my evening walk, at church, and even during a fun night with friends playing Catch Phrase! God wants to be involved in every detail of our lives because He Loves us so much. He absolutely wants to be involved in your marriage. Loving another person like Jesus Loves us is not possible without Jesus. Another thing that sounds so simple but if we are not letting Jesus Love on us every day how can we expect to be able to show Love to our Husbands (wives)?

John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

John 13:15 “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.

1 John 4:7-21 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

When things don’t go according to plan I get uncomfortable.

The birth of our daughter did not go as planned. Not even close. She was born a month early after I was induced due to high liver enzymes. Basically my liver and the placenta were not getting along. My liver enzyme levels were over 1000 when they should have been in the 40-60 range. We were admitted to the hospital on a Friday afternoon after being called back with the test results from my blood work they had done that morning after my 36 week check up. The call woke me up from a nap. Talk about a “wake up call”. We were in the hospital 6 long days and 5 very uncomfortable nights. Those beds were made for delivering babies and not for sleeping. The bed was not the only uncomfortable thing. Things not going according to plan was uncomfortable too. But God was our comfort.

 Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Psalm 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

While in the Hospital I underwent about 6 or 7 unexplainably painful procedures. I say “about 6 or 7” because I am not sure. Those are the ones I can remember. As I have been attempting to write out my birth story to share here I am learning that I have blocked a lot of it out. It was the most painful week of my life. It was the most unplanned week of my life. It was the most blessed week of my life. It may not have felt that way then and it may have taken me over a year to notice it, but God blessed that week.

During that week I saw my husband Love me and care for me like he never had before. I saw family faces awaken with the joy of a new baby on the horizon. I saw our family step up in ways to help us that I never thought possible. I saw myself hold our new born baby girl after I was in labor for 70 hours and then pushed for 3. It felt like the baby would never come. But God’s timing is perfect and after being in a rotation of on call Doctors, for several days, our doctor was able to deliver our baby. God provided the right Doctors and nurses at the right time for us. God put the right people in the delivery room at the right time. God had people visit, text, and call at the right time. God is so good and so loving.

When we left the hospital with our new sweet teeny tiny bundle of joy I was certain I would never give birth again. The pain of those procedures, the labor, and the delivery had been too much. I was open to adoption but birth… nope. That was my plan, not God’s. No, for those of you jumping to conclusions, I am not pregnant. (haha) I am, however, open to the possibility. If I were pregnant right now I would be ok. If it had happened 6 months ago I would have been freaking out. And I don’t mean in a good way. Just ask any of my “Forever Sisters” that I have studied scripture with and worshiped with over the past 2 years. Their prayers (along with many others) carried me through. They were only able to carry me because I let them in. They have literally seen the fear on my face at the thought of being pregnant again. Now, if that is His plan, I’ll be ok.

I’ve been so worried about having to do it all again when I didn’t even do it the first time. He is the only reason I made it through all of what I went through. He is the reason I am still standing and enjoying motherhood now. God delivered more than a baby the day Sarah was born. We are still harvesting the fruit that was produced during that week in the Hospital. God is not done yet. If that is what happens when things don’t go according to (my) plan… I’m ok with that.

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8)

“the plans of the LORD stand firm forever” (Psalm 33:11)

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov. 16:9)

“many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (Prov. 19:21)

 

What do you do when things don’t go according to plan? What do you hope your reaction would be if plans changed? Share below with us about how God showed up when things didn’t go according to plan! According to your plan anyways! 😀 Thanks for reading!

“The Great Flood of 2016” Will Prove God is Greater | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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“The Great Flood of 2016” is what they are calling it. Something twists in my gut calling the flood “great”. “The Great Flood of 2016” will prove God is greater. This past week has been one of the most heart wrenching weeks of my life. Countless family and friends had their homes flood here in Louisiana. Most of them do not have flood insurance because they do not live in a flood plain. Many areas that were “never supposed to flood”…flooded. Water was down our street just a third of a mile! Flooding was the last thing I was concerned about…until this past week. I couldn’t sleep because my heart broke for those losing everything. I couldn’t sleep because I was watching the water rise. I couldn’t sleep because I was getting our “Evacuation Kit” prepared. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time… because of Hurricanes though…not floods.

A flood was never expected in my neighborhood. But neighbors less than a half a mile from our home now have their lives in piles on the street. The have stacks of sheet rock and carpet torn out of their house piled up next to their lives. I am trying to do what I can from home to help but feeling “stuck” at home with our 1 year old is hard. My husband has been serving non stop. In the beginning he was rescuing people from houses. Now he is gutting his parent’s house and also neighbor’s houses. We are “one” right? So, he is an extension of me right?… That makes me feel a little better. I couldn’t be more proud of him. He truly has a servant’s heart and I Love him more each day because of it. My parents were able to keep our baby girl one night so hubby and I could go gut his parent’s house for our “date night”. Sounds real romantic right? Oddly enough, there was something romantic about working together to fix what the flood had broken.

Going through a heartbreak together gives us the opportunity to heal together. The keyword being, together. In times of crisis and emotional turmoil be patient and honest with your spouse. Allow your broken hearts to heal together. You are one. Let this experience bring you closer and bind your hearts together in a way that would not be possible otherwise. You will end up with a stronger bond than before and you will see God’s goodness.

Even though this past week has been tough… our resolve here in Louisiana is tougher. I have been so encouraged and inspired by my friends during this time. I want to share with you what God is doing in their lives through this tragedy. God is already working things for their good and the studs aren’t even dry yet! He is faithful and He is in control.

The Lord spared our home from the flood but our small business was flooded. The small private Christian school, Victory Academy-grades pre-k to 8th, my husband graduated from along with our two older children and now praying that our two younger children will graduate from was also flooded. My husband who also serves as a State Representative is helping in rebuilding our community as well. He volunteered to help lead in getting the school up and fully operational as soon as possible. He’s exhausted and overwhelmed as well as humble and grateful that he can help so many. He also spend the first two days after the flood using our small boat to rescue those in the community. He has a heart of gold and serves with passion. I have prayed to The Lord about where He wants me to serve in all this. And I struggle with what He has called me to do because I don’t think is it enough. But then He reminds me that as long as I obey and that I am in His will it is more than enough. So The Lord calls me in all of this to be there for my husband at all times in whatever he needs. He’s out there serving, volunteering, ect for those The Lord places in his path and I am to be there to love, care, encourage, cook, clean, run errands, take care of our children’s needs, to be ready and willing to help him with whatever he ask. I am his wife, his helpmate, his best friend, and dare I say I’m here to serve him. So I’m doing exactly what his vital and necessary during this time. I love my husband there is nothing more precious to me right now then his well being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and I pray daily that The Lord helps me meet his needs with His help of course. – Julie Ivey

November 18 will mark my 10 year wedding anniversary! Mike and I have have had our share of ups and downs like everyone else in life. Six months after we were married, Mike’s dad passed away. We had three miscarriages before our beautiful daughters were born. Our house flooded with 24 inches of water a week ago. We lost many things but not our faith in God! He has surrounded us with loving friends and family. We have so many more joys than disappointments in our ten years together. Michael Savoie amazes me every day. He is a great father and a loving husband. Our journey together gives me strength to face each new day! I love my husband!!! – Heather Austin Savoie

 

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood; 

the Lord is enthroned as King forever.

The Lord gives strength to his people; 

the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Psalm 29:10,11

I designed this shirt to raise money to help Louisiana flood survivors! If you click “Shirt style” you can pick other styles and colors (including purple!)! Countless family and friends have lost their homes to flooding and do not have flood insurance. All profits will go to help them. Thank you. http://www.bluecotton.com/campaigns/louisianaflood2016

671 August 17, 2016 14.57

How to Balance Marriage and…everything else! | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

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Learning to balance marriage and…well everything else… is harder than I thought it would be…yanno…when I thought about marriage and I was single and naive about marriage!

I had no clue what it meant to balance marriage and everything else. At that point I doubt I even considered the balancing act adding a child to my marriage would require. We are at a point in our lives where we are busier than ever. This means that we must make each other a priority now more than ever. If we do not do this I think a few things would happen. We would lose each other in the blur of life. We would not be showing our daughter what a Godly marriage looks like, especially in busy times.

I’ve sought out advice on how to balance marriage and everything else from wives who have been married longer than me. I have learned a lot over the past 5 years of marriage but I know I will always have more to learn. 

Allie of www.p3alive.com shares her thoughts on keeping a strong marriage amidst the demands of parenthood:

Being a family of five has come with its challenges. Often I feel pulled in different directions doubting myself as a wife and a mom. How do you keep a strong marriage amidst the demands of parenthood? Often sacrificially. I ask God “what does my husband need today?” I follow what I feel is God’s reply. Sometimes it means keeping quiet, sometimes it’s space, and other times it’s acts of kindness and love. Yes, its hard. I have had to put my needs aside often to build my hubby up. I remind myself that the best gift I can give my children is a happy marriage. Marriage is all about unconditional and sacrificial love. It’s about laying your life down for your spouse and watching your marriage flourish.

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
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Another thing I have learned is to not get on the whose right and whose wrong wagon. It doesn’t matter. What matters is heart connection. What am I doing to keep my heart connected to my spouse.
As 1 Corinthians 13 says love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

In order to successfully balance marriage and everything else you must set priorities.

Setting priorities and being able to keep them is a game changer in marriage. I think it is a game changer in life. Period. Making sure those priorities are in the right order is key. In a marriage with children it is easy to fall into the mindset of putting the children first. It sounds like a good and noble thing to do, right? While it may feel like that I really think in the long run it is not good for your marriage or your children. One day your kid(s) won’t be there and if you have not cultivated your marriage for those 18+ years they are around… you will have no fruits to show for all of those years. If you have not watered your marriage while you also raised children… you will end up in a desert rather than a lush forest. Which place would you rather be? 

Liz from My Messy Desk shares about setting the right priorities and making needed changes:

While my priorities never change – God, husband, kids, self, vocation, serving others – the time and attention required by each of those differs with the seasons and ages.

Both the beginning and the end of the school year are opportune times to fine tune my schedule. So are, New Years Day, every time we move, and when my hubby deploys or comes home.

Intentionally focusing on my priorities from God’s perspective brings clarity, purpose, and increased productivity. And that makes for a much healthier and happier me.

So, I want to share with you the questions I ask myself at these points of pause when I overhaul my schedule.

    1. What is going well in my life?
    2. Where could I stand to make some improvements?
    3. What important tasks keep getting pushed to the bottom of my to-do list?
    4. What am I doing that doesn’t align with my priorities or add value to my life?
    5. Are there any new inherent responsibilities during this season?
    6. Have any previous commitments expired freeing up time for other opportunities?
    7. Which of my priorities requires the greatest investment of time now?
    8. When are my most productive blocks of time?
    9. What do I need more of to feel fulfillment in my life?
    10. What is draining my energy, inspiration, or delight with the life I’m living?

I block off time to spend in prayer and ask God to guide my thoughts and responses in accordance with His purposes. Then I journal the answers as they relate to each of my priorities. To help guide you through the process I created a free printable worksheet just for you.

balance marriage

*Download your free printable here: Makeover My Schedule Worksheet.

Eventually, the time comes to make hard decisions. Some things must go. It’s inevitable. But the blow is softened when this intentional process ensures that what remains or is added aligns precisely with God’s priorities for my life.

Prayer as a priority helps us balance marriage and everything life throws at us.

Because we value prayer, it has become a priority in our marriage.We pray together each night before the baby goes to sleep. This is something we started before I got pregnant. It changed our marriage. We are now teaching our daughter the importance of prayer. She even knows now that when Daddy says “In Jesus’ Name” that it’s time to say “Amen!” and she does so with joy!

Amanda from newlifeovernight.com shares about their nightly routine and what keeps their marriage strong:

One thing that keeps my marriage strong with kids and work is that every night after we put the kids to bed, we make sure that we spend time together. We get our showers and watch TV in bed or read in bed together. We say a prayer together and read a chapter in the Bible. This helps keep our marriage strong.

Another thing that helps us balance marriage and everything else is … date nights!

While it is hard to make the time sometimes…we know that date nights are important. We are very blessed and live close to both sets of grand parents! Both sets Love keeping our daughter and we try to drop her off and have a date night at least once a month. It doesn’t always work out and sometimes we end up having date night at home. No matter how or where it happens we both know that by being alone and able to focus on one another on a date… reconnects us and keeps our Love tanks full.

How do you balance marriage and everything else?! What ways do you continue to date in your marriage? 

If this helped you please share it with a friend… or even better…. your spouse! 😀 Thanks!

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