marriage Archives - Better Than Newlyweds

How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

May 1, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

Have you ever wondered how to improve communication in your marriage? I know I have. Sometimes it just feels like we are speaking different languages or having two totally different conversations. There are a few simple things that we try to do to improve our communication.

How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage

Put your phone down and look them in the eye

I see it so often. Someone talking and the other person staring at their phone. This says a few things to the person talking. It tells them that whatever is on the phone screen is more important and more interesting than them. Is that how you want your husband to feel? I don’t think so. This is not how we should want anyone to feel. If you find you have a hard time doing this, start by leaving your phone in your purse in another room and purposefully go and have a conversation with your husband without it.

Don’t make it about you

When we are going through something difficult and are having a disagreement… it is easy to go on the defensive and make it about us. Often times, if we would just take the time to really listen we would realize that what our husbands are saying sheds light on deeper feelings they might have. If all we do is go on the defensive instead of soaking in what they are saying and genuinely evaluate our own hearts and motives… communication will always be an issue.

Be Honest

In a Christian marriage this should really be a given. You might be thinking “well, of course I am honest!” But has your husband ever asked you what was wrong and you replied “nothing.” Or maybe he asked if something was ok and you replied with “it’s fine.” As women we know that those words don’t mean what they should in those moments (most of the time). However, our husbands hear “nothing” and “it’s fine” and think there is nothing wrong and that it’s fine. And you know why they think that? Because it is what we told them! We can’t get mad at them for not understanding when we are the ones not being honest about our feelings.

The Bible has plenty of answers for the question “How to improve communication in your marriage?”

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, Ephesians 4:15

But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give. With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone. Proverbs 25:11-15

The next time you are wondering how to improve communication in your marriage, improve your communication with God and the rest will follow.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matt. 6:33

How to Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

April 24, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

If you are asking “how to put the spark back in your marriage?” I would challenge you to ask “what put the spark out?” first.

Going on a nice date will only pacify you both for a short time. If you are constantly focused on “how to put the spark back in your marriage?” without first figuring out what put the spark out in the first place, any spark that might come back will be short lived. That cycle is exhausting and overwhelming. I do not think that was God’s intention for marriage. If our marriage is supposed to be an example of Christ and the church shouldn’t it be constant? I dare even say that our marriages should be on fire not just in search of a spark but I will save that for another blog post!

Still wondering how to put the spark back in your marriage?

Like I said, first, figure out what put out the spark. Are you getting enough alone time? Does your husband feel appreciated? Do you feel noticed and cared about? If the reason the spark went out in the first place is not addressed no matter how many times you put the spark back it will continue to go out. If getting to the bottom of the issue means a long (and maybe hard) conversation then do it. That conversation could save your marriage. That might sound extreme to some of you as “things are not that bad. But wouldn’t you rather have the long and hard conversations while you can rather than put them off and continue to drift apart, little by little, to the point where a conversation about the weather is hard much less talking about your marriage.

After you know what to avoid in the future move on to answering “how to put the spark back in your marriage?”

Jesus put the needs of others before Himself. That is what will ignite your marriage. It really comes down to putting your spouse before yourself. The answer sounds simple but putting it into practice is hard. Our flesh is selfish and we would rather have our way but Love is not self seeking. God calls us to lay down our superficial wants so we can have a supernatural marriage!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

God calls us to lay down our superficial wants so we can have a supernatural marriage! #BeBetter #ChristianWives

Tweet This

How to Put God First in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

April 10, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

A popular word of advice to newlyweds is to “put god first in your marriage.” But what does that look like? How do you do that? What does putting God before you husband look like? It is not an easy thing to master as we are so used to doing it the other way. We make our husbands a priority because we Love them and feel this is a way to serve God. However, our husbands should not be THE priority. God should always be first. Then your husband. And then your children.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matt. 6:33

What does it look like to put God first in your marriage?

Putting God first does not mean ignoring your husband. Everything we do in service to our husbands should be out of our desire to serve God and keep Him first. In order to put God first in your marriage you must serve your husband out of your Love for God. This means that when you do something for your husband and he does not shower you with the praise you were hoping for (maybe deep down really expecting) you will be ok because you know God sees it.

How do you put God first in your marriage?

You have to make a choice to put God first in your marriage. Your Bible is not just going to jump in your lap everyday and remind you to spend time in the Word. Bowing your heart before God before you entrust it to your husband daily will save you both a lot of heartache. Having your heart bowed before God before you have a small disagreement with your husband will keep it small instead of turning into WWIII.

What does putting God before your husband look like?

Our husbands are a gift from God. Just like our children are a gift from God. And just like we spend time apart from our children alone with our husbands, we should do the same with God apart from our husbands. Make the choice to spend time in His presence daily. Keep Him as THE priority and recognize Him as that your husband is a gift from God.

When you put God first in your marriage you take so much pressure off of your husband. He no longer has to try to be your source of joy or fulfillment. Putting God first will result in Him filling your cup to overflowing so that you are able to Love your husband like Jesus.

When you put God first in your marriage He fills your cup to overflowing so that you can Love your husband like Jesus.

Tweet This

Christian Marriage Quotes

March 27, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

I am a words person. I put up sticky notes to remind me and inspire me. I print out Christian marriage quotes to remind myself what I want my marriage to be and how I want to be better as a wife. I hope some of these inspire you. I would challenge you to print out a few and put them in your war room or on your bathroom mirror. Reading something inspiring over and over again plants good seeds that will produce the fruit we want to see in our marriages.

God didn’t design marriage to make us happy. He designed it to make us Holy.

It is easy to get caught up in the arms of our husband and turn to him and depend on him. But, we must remember that he is not the source of our joy or our strength. Our husbands are a blessing given to us by the source of our joy and strength, Jesus Christ! Take time today and hold tight to Jesus first and then give your husband a tight hug recognizing that that is the order in which you should always operate. Jesus first and then your husband. Our husbands can not fulfill the longing in us for our Savior. The tighter we hold on to them in the hopes that they will the more we will be let down. Hold tight to Jesus and He will wrap you both in His arms and create a bond between you that is better than you could have ever imagined!

The world looks cold and bitter and most of the time upset at something. Is that what you want for your marriage? That is not what I want for mine. I want one that looks like Jesus. I want a marriage that is full of forgiveness and joy. What do you want your marriage to look like?

Which one of these Christian marriage quotes was your favorite? Do you have one to share? If so please post it in the comments!

Renew Your Mind to Renew Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

March 13, 2017 by Mrs. Hudson

Have you ever been guilty of “stinkin’ thinkin'”? All of us have done it before. We expected the worst and that is usually what we got. If we are not careful “stinkin’ thinkin'” will affect our marriages. Always thinking negatively about your husband or always expecting the worst outcome is a sure way to have an unhappy marriage.

It is so crucial that you guard your heart and renew your mind daily. In marriage it is easy to gt upset and stay upset. After all, our husbands are human so they will make mistakes. We can choose to dwell on those and let bitterness take root in our hearts or we can remember that God’s mercy is new every morning and we should walk in it.

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

If God’s mercies are new every morning for us, why do we not offer the same for our husbands? Being married… being one with someone… means that everything they do or don’t do… affects us more than if it were just a friend. Our husbands are the ones who we bare our souls to and our bodies… this leaves us more vulnerable and means that the pain from a betrayal or let down will cut deeper and hurt longer. With God’s help we can heal and overcome. With God’s help we can forgive and turn any test of our marriages into a testimony.

My friend, Karen who writes at Redeeming Love, shared with me some scriptures that helped her turn their test into a testimony.

Here are some of my favorite scriptures. I read His word and cried out to God so much while I was standing and praying for my marriage and family ? They lifted me and filled my heart exactly when I needed. I hope they encourage you too.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:23-25 ESV)

And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. (‭Job‬ ‭11‬:‭18‬ ESV)

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. (‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭10‬ ESV)

Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, and a babbling fool will come to ruin. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭10‬:‭10‬ ESV)

And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” (‭Nehemiah‬ ‭4‬:‭14‬ ESV)