Newlywed Couples Page Archives - Better Than Newlyweds

7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage #7

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

I am sharing with you 7 things that I read. This is one of 7 posts so be sure check out the rest. Take a minute and read what I read about 7 thoughts that…if you really stop and think about them… could change your marriage. Change it for the better. It is important to keep growing in our marriages. We are constantly changing… and so is our spouse. It is important to think about things in a new light every now and then and make sure we are doing our best to serve, Love, and understand our spouse. – Stacy

7. I Can Determine My Thoughts

Did you know we aren’t slave to our thoughts? We can change them.

During my pregnancy with our second child we found out that he had a severe heart defect (he later passed away at a month of age). All through that pregnancy I was a wreck. Someone, I can’t even remember who now, suggested that I start a gratitude journal, writing five things that I was thankful for everyday, even if that day was bad.

And I did.

I even wrote it when Christopher was in the hospital. Here’s one day:

Feeding Christopher. Getting to hold him, away from the tubes, and give him his bottle. His eyes opened while he ate!

Becca wanting to cuddle that night

A beautiful sunset as we were walking home

The way Christopher fought the nurse when she tried to give him his medicine. He hates it! I love that he shows spunk

Having a friend drop off spaghetti for us

He went into surgery three days later. Those were some of the hardest days of my life, and yet everyday I focused on what to be grateful for, because I knew at the end of the day I’d have to make a list. And so I found myself searching for things to be grateful for. In fact, most days I remember having to choose the five best, not search for five, because I had spent the day trying to think of little blessings.

Marriage works the same way. When you are looking for things to praise, you will find things to praise. When you are looking for things to be grateful for, you will find things to be grateful for. So if you’ve been in a funk, always noticing the negative, let me give you this challenge: everyday, tell your husband one thing that you’re thankful for about him. And write down five. (you can tell him all five if you want!). But make it a practice to be grateful, and you will find your attitude changing.

via 7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage, Christian Engagement, Newlywed Couples (Page 3).

7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage #6

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

6. If You Win a Battle, You Often Lose the War.

Here’s one I still struggle with: I like to win fights. I think at heart it’s because I have rejection issues, and if Keith is upset at me, my goal is to prove to him why he’s completely and totally wrong. After all, if he sees that he has no reason to be upset, then why would he leave? (For the record, Keith would never leave, but I think this is what goes on in my subconscious).

I’m also a very good debater. I listen really well during fights–but I listen for loopholes so that I can blow his argument to shreds. It doesn’t matter if he’s just talking about how he feels; I can prove he’s wrong.

For the first few years I’m sure I won every fight. But it didn’t seem to be working. Keith was retreating inside himself, and I couldn’t hear his heart anymore. And over the years I’ve learned that you can win the battle but lose the war. When you keep winning, you sometimes drive someone away, because if one person wins and one person loses, you both lose. A relationship is about two people feeling loved, appreciated, and accepted. If you constantly push down someone’s feelings, you’re destroying that relationship–even if technically you are in the right.

So now I’ve learned sometimes just to listen and acknowledge his feelings, and then just shut up. I’ve learned that we need to find the win-win, not the win-lose.

via 7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage, Christian Engagement, Newlywed Couples (Page 2).

7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage #5

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

5. The Marriage Comes Before the Kids.

As soon as children are born they take so much of our attention and energy. They’re needy, they’re demanding, and they’re ever so lovable. But don’t ever make the mistake of prioritizing them over the marriage.

The fact that you have kids means that your marriage matters more, not less, because now other people are counting on you. And what kids need more than anything else is stability. When their parents’ relationship is strong, they are free to grow, and explore, and learn without worry.

Your children are only given to you for a time, and yes, you have to love them. But the marriage relationship is the one that will endure until death. Children will move on; you sure don’t want your spouse to. So nurture the marriage first, even once kids come. It’s important–especially to them.

via 7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage, Christian Engagement, Newlywed Couples (Page 2).

7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage #4

May 19, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

4. You will Never Drift Together; You will Only Ever Drift Apart.

A few years ago I read about an experiment off of the coast of Brazil. They dropped two bottles into the ocean off of a boat at exactly the same time. The bottles had messages in them–contact this phone number for a reward. One bottle washed up on the coast of Ecuador 100 days later (it went north west). The other bottle went across the Atlantic Ocean, around Africa, and washed up on Tanzania a year later. They started in the same place; they ended up half a world way.

We work the same way. Unless we consciously try to stay close together, we will drift. Drifting is natural; if you want to stop the drift, you have to be intentional.

Most couples stop doing things together as soon as they’re married. Don’t. Now’s the time that you have to be even more intentional about staying close. Do things together–anything–everyday. Make sure you laugh. Find hobbies. Talk. Just be together, or you will find yourselves half a world apart without even realizing how it happened.

via 7 Thoughts that Will Change Your Marriage, Christian Engagement, Newlywed Couples (Page 2).

AFFILIATE DISCLOSURE