I am sharing with you 7 things that I read. This is one of 7 posts so be sure check out the rest. Take a minute and read what I read about 7 thoughts that…if you really stop and think about them… could change your marriage. Change it for the better. It is important to keep growing in our marriages. We are constantly changing… and so is our spouse. It is important to think about things in a new light every now and then and make sure we are doing our best to serve, Love, and understand our spouse.
2. I Can’t Change Him; I Can Only Change Me.
Has this thought ever entered your head: “I’d be happy if only he’d…” or “I’ll be happy as soon as he….” If you can fill in the blank, you may have a problem.
What you’re really saying is, “I won’t be happy until he….” You’re making a decision to place your happiness and your sense of peace outside of yourself and into someone else’s hands. You’re waiting for him to change.
The problem with that is that you can’t make anybody else change. Magazine covers don’t believe this; they’re filled with articles like, “7 Ways to Make Your Man More Romantic” or “How To Get Him to Help Around the House” or whatever else it may be. They’re focusing on you making him into the kind of person you want to be.
But that attitude is poison for a marriage. When you give your husband the idea: ” you are making me unsatisfied. You are failing me,” he will tend to retreat. He’d rather do things in his area of competence.
What if you’re really unhappy with the way things are? I understand. But nagging and withholding affection and becoming bitter cannot bring about positive change in a marriage. Here’s what can: changing yourself. You can change how you choose to react to him. You can change how you organize the house if you feel that too much is being asked of you. You can get more hobbies if you find yourself relying too much on your husband for adult conversation. (I cover all of this, and more, in my book To Love, Honor and Vacuum).
When you change, you also change the dynamic in the marriage, and that, in and of itself, may bring change in how he reacts to you, too. But insisting that he become someone else will only make you miserable.