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Better Than Newlyweds

Where the Honeymoon never ends!

Reviving the Intimacy in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

September 12, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

Reviving the intimacy in your marriage was probably not something you thought about when you were newlyweds. Let’s be honest, at the start of a marriage the endorphins are pumping and all is right in the world. The pressures of the outside world don’t affect a marriage as much in the beginning. Somewhere along the way things change. At some point “Look he left his socks on the floor! He is such an adorable mess!” changes to “SOCKS! on the floor! AGAIN!”.  And the same thing happens with whatever things our husbands saw as cute in the beginning.

As simple as socks on the floor may sound…this issue… compounded with other more serious issues (that arise as a marriage progresses) can affect the intimacy in a marriage. I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about every level of intimacy. The bills pile up or the kids are all sick and suddenly you realize you and your husband have not had a moment alone in weeks. You notice that you can’t even remember the last time you held his hand or even asked him how his day was. Some intimacy has slipped away.

Intimacy slips away sometimes because of things we can’t control and other times because of things we can control.

Intimacy slips away when the kids are sick or someone has to work overtime. It also slips when we choose to spend time on our phones/computers or with friends rather than our spouse. Kids getting sick or work are things we can’t usually control. How we spend our time, on the other hand, is something we can control.

It is important to establish habits, boundaries, and expectations that will revive the intimacy in your marriage.

Using a tool such as *Covenant Eyes to set up healthy boundaries and build trust is a good place to start. {*I have included my affiliate link here because I really believe you could benefit from it}

My husband and I are blessed. We both have had a tremendous example set for us by our parents who have been married over 40 years. One expectation or boundary we learned from our parents is to “never go to bed angry”. Before we got married I never thought much about this line my mom would say often. Because, after all, we didn’t fight… ever really. I know now that THAT was the all the endorphins pumping.

After we got married I realized why she said it so much. It is such a simple yet important thing for a marriage. If we had not had this expectation/boundary in place early in our marriage I know that our relationship would not be what it is now. I know that our communication and intimacy level would have suffered because of a lack of communication and intimacy when we needed it most. I am excited to share with you some more marriage insight from my amazing mom.

I remember when our kids were young they each had had activities they were involved in. I was always on the road getting them where they needed to be. They were all playing ball one summer and all on different teams. That was a busy summer. They also had piano lessons ,gymnastics, and sports during the school year. I was totally involved in keeping it all going. The kids had become the real focus of my life. I didn’t realize I had neglected my husband and our marriage.

One night my husband and I talked all night and shared our feelings. He felt neglected. I was so busy with the kids that I didn’t have any energy to put into our marriage. We needed to reconnect as husband and wife. We needed to work together to keep things on an even keel. We needed to save energy and time for our marriage. We needed to make each other a priority again. That was a turning point in our lives. We have been married 42 years in October. Our children are grown and have good lives. We have 2 grand daughters and life is good. We are very happy. I am thankful for that long night many years ago when we took time out to work on our marriage. Thank God we did.

I am thankful for that long night many years ago too. Because my parents made the choice to invest in their marriage I am reaping the benefits in my marriage. And now our daughter will reap the benefits of their choice as well. It is a powerful thing to see generation after generation not just still married after 40 years but also still in Love.

I am blessed to have an online friend across the globe in South Africa. Ailie Baumann writes at www.p3alive.com. I asked her to share about the issue of intimacy in her marriage. I am always so blessed when those who have been married longer than we have share their wisdom. The Bible does instruct us to teach young women right? I do my best to learn… and to teach…because at my age I am stuck somewhere in the middle.

“Older women likewise are to be… teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:3-5).

Ailie shared with me that…

“About four years ago, I was confronted with the lack of intimacy in my marriage. I saw that my husband needed encouragement and affirmation. Our middle boy was only a few months old at the time. That Christmas, God led me to a random Christian blog post that talked about an intimacy box. This lady used it more for sexual intimacy as a way to save her marriage from divorce. My marriage was far from divorce but I still felt God prompt me to create my own intimacy box for my husband as a Christmas present.

I went and got several trinkets and goodies for foot spas, massage, coffee at home and some of my hubby’s favourites. I wrote him a love letter and told him I was committing to give him 30 days of intimacy.

At first I was adamant about 30 consecutive days, hubby had other ideas. Seeing my heart and loving me for it, he told me to just give him 30 days even if they weren’t consecutive. The results were incredible. Our hearts bonded deeper with each other. I learned much about sacrificial love. After several weeks, my hubby began to reciprocate back. The result was a deeper level of intimacy and deeper friendship. It truly was a God-idea.

What an amazing thing to do for her husband. I know that at the beginning of our marriage I left more sweet notes for my husband. I know we both did more thoughtful things. It is not that we care any less about each other now… it’s just our minds are consumed with other thoughts. And even though they are good thoughts, mostly about our daughter, it affects our intimacy. I want our daughter to reap the same benefits I am because we decided to invest in our marriage. I want us to be better than when we were newlyweds. That isn’t just some cute name I came up with for my blog. It is the cry of my heart for our marriage…for every marriage.  I can leave more notes. I can make more of an effort. I think we all can. And I think it will be worth it.

Filed Under: Better Husband, Better Than Newlyweds, Better Wife, Marriage Monday Tagged With: intimacy, kids, love, marriage, Thank God

Don’t live a less than life! | Stacy Hudson | Better Than Newlyweds

May 2, 2016 by Mrs. Hudson

At several points in my life I have had to put myself out there if I wanted to make new friends. I had to make a choice to not live a less than life. The earliest I can remember would be when I left my hometown and went to college. I only moved an hour away BUT and hour felt like an eternity while sitting alone in my dorm room. I had left behind my family and my friends from high school. I knew no one at my new school. But God knew me and where I needed to be.

Thank God for a group on campus called Chi Alpha. On my move in day they were helping people move in to the dorms. One of them was very observant and noticed that I had a shirt on from my church and struck up a conversation with me. Her name was Meeke. And to be honest… I don’t remember the conversation. What I DO remember is that a few days later on campus I hear my name being called from a ways behind me… so I turn and there she is! She remembered my name… that really surprised me. We walked back to the dorm together and she invited me to Chi Alpha’s weekly Thursday night meeting. I was sort of hesitant but she said she would save me a seat. She had done her part. She had done all she could… aside from dragging me there! It was now up to me.

Stepping out and trying new things… new people… is never easy. At least the first step isn’t. In my life I have found that if I trust God and am obedient and just take that first step… God has already lined up amazing things for me! I just had to knock down that first domino! And man that can be hard! 🙂

So, I went to the Chi Alpha meeting… TNL (Thursday Night Live) is what it was called then. That night changed my life. She saved me a seat… she really saved me a seat! And I don’t know if I ever told her this but… that night was a turning point for me. I already knew God and believed in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross. I knew then that I would go to Heaven if I died. So I didn’t get “saved” that night. But… I got saved from a less than life.

My eyes were opened wider than ever before to see God for who He really is and the big and wonderful plans He had for my life. I started to experience His amazing Love and the deep fellowship that came with being true brothers and sisters in Christ in a way I never had before.  It was in Chi Alpha (XA) that I formed amazing friendships and a life long bond thru experiences with some that will last forever. It was in XA that I got filled with the Holy Spirit. It was in XA that I was taught how and began leading a Ladies Bible Study. It was in XA that I led worship for my mission trip team for the first time. It was in XA that I led a mission trip for the first time! It was in XA that I learned how important it is to really step out. After experiencing all God showed me then I never wanted to live a less than life again. And God didn’t want me to.

search boat offset

God used Chi Alpha and all the amazing things that happened in my life during my time there… to teach me that I am not meant to go through life alone. That friends are important.  And that faithful friends are worth the search. Over and over again… they are worth the search.

I will search for faithful people
    to be my companions. Psalm 101:6

Faithful friends who will pray for you as if your need was their own, who will Love you thru your brokenness, and who will hold your hands up when you are too weak.

Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. Exodus 17:12

If every time life has thrown me a curve ball… I had just retreated to the dug out… I would have missed out on sooo much.

If when I had to suddenly uproot my life and move back home… I had just hidden myself away to avoid hurt or being let down again… I would have missed meeting my husband.

If when I was dealing with traumatic things involving my family… I had let myself put walls up to keep from sharing too much with new friends…in order to avoid getting hurt again… I would have missed the opportunity to trust again. 

I now realize not every pitch is a curve ball. And I am probably missing out on a home run if I just sit “safely” in the dug out! I am also not enjoying the game if I am stuck on the bench. Forgive the cheesy analogy BUT… it’s true!

The devil wants nothing more than for you to do… nothing. 
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You could be the home run hitter on your team but if you stay in the dug out… it doesn’t matter. 

In the body of Christ… we need each other. We are meant to operate together to fulfill God’s purposes. We are not meant to live a less than life. 

And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,12for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; 13until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. 14As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. Eph.4:11-16

Don’t live a less than life! Do whatever you have to do to be a part of the body. Search until you find faithful people to be your companions! Do not sit in the dug out and miss the point! Don’t miss all that God has for you! Don’t live a less than life! Find a Bible study to join… one full of the Word and overflowing with God’s Love and evidence of the Holy Spirit.

What are you waiting for? I waited because I was scared. I should have searched for “Faithful People” so much sooner than I did. I was living a less than life. The devil had me worried about getting hurt again… but my sitting in the dug out not only hurt me but also the body of Christ. 

We were not meant to live a less than life. Jesus died for us so that we could have life and life abundantly!

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

 

 

Filed Under: Better Friend, Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: body of christ, chi alpha, college, friends, less than life, Thank God, xa

Hi, I’m Stacy!

I am married to the Love of my life... my Prince. We strive daily to have a marriage better than newlyweds. We want to know each other better than when we were first wed. We want to please God by serving each other. Marriage is so important as it represents the relationship between God and His church... we must protect it and fight for ours. Read More…

Good Reads for Your Marriage:

679599: The Love Dare The Love Dare
By Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick
{These are affiliate links but I truly believe these books would add value to your marriage.}

Recent Posts

  • 5 BIBLE VERSES FOR TROUBLED MARRIAGES | Stacy Hudson
  • More than a baby was delivered when I gave birth | Stacy Hudson
  • What I’ve learned Being Married to an Agnostic | Guest Blogger: Ailie Baumann
  • How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson
  • How to Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage | Stacy Hudson

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