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Better Than Newlyweds

Where the Honeymoon never ends!

Have a marriage…not a fight!

September 11, 2013 by Mrs. Hudson

I have heard a lot of ways for couples to…”get on the same page”. You have probably heard them too…Set a goal list, share your dreams with each other, make a 5 years plan, etc. However, sometimes even after couples follow those steps they still have issues feeling like they are on the “same page” with their spouse. I started thinking about why this might be and I realized that if two people are headed in the same direction in marriage… even to the same goal… but are not walking together… they are not having a marriage… they are having a fight!

Take a look at this map…they both start at point A and end up at point B…but the route they take to get there is very different…they definitely didn’t carpool!

 same start same end diff route How does this happen? Or maybe a better question is how to KEEP this from happening? I think one way is to never stop talking… sharing…each step, each turn, each choice needs to be made together…as a team… just as if you were carpooling with your spouse… you would be incapable of going 2 different directions while riding in the same car! In marriage I think we forget sometimes that we ARE riding in the same car! That means sometimes we might need to slow down so our spouse feels comfortable or that we need to take a different road so they can unload some emotional baggage somewhere along the way. Be sure to ask your spouse if they have any stops to make or if you are driving too fast. 🙂

Although the above idea makes sense…I think there is another way to look at it… that being the fact that even though you and your spouse may want to end up in the same place… you may be in different places in your life to start the journey. Yes, you are married and in the same place as far as that goes BUT spiritually you are more than likely in VERY different places. I can also imagine being that men and women are very different I am willing to go out on a limb and say that you both are in different places emotionally as well. This means that more than likely… not only is the route you take to the same destination going to be different…but your starting points will be different also. Take this map for instance… one route stays on land while the other uses the water.  some want to get their feet wet some want to stay on dry landYou might need to get your feet wet while your spouse might need to stay on dry land. The beauty of that thought though…while it seems impossible to do both at once and still stay together on the journey… it is possible… and while walking together hand in hand the view is beautiful. The way to get your feet wet while letting your spouse stay on dry land is… a stroll on the beach hand in hand. It may not be as wet as you had planned to get… or as safe or dry as your spouse wanted…but you are together. Some may call that settling or giving in/up…but I think it is not settling for a mediocre marriage… it is striving to be better than when you were newlyweds…not giving up on your marriage and doing things as if you were both single. You are a team…and sometimes that means going at the pace of the slowest team member in order to finish the race. And I’m not sure finishing the race or accomplishing your goals is the true point of being married… I think the point is doing whatever you are doing… together.

For better or worse.

For richer or poorer.

In sickness and in health.

Until death do us part. 

Filed Under: Better Than Newlyweds, Communication is KEY! Tagged With: KEEP, marriage, newlyweds, the journey

Recapturing ME!

May 2, 2013 by CelesteAustin

wade and lesEver noticed that the further into something you get, the harder it is to remember where you started?
I think about a walk in the forest. If you are really into it, you are looking at the pine trees and enjoying the butterflies, breathing in the fresh pine air and just well, taking it all in. After an hour or two you begin to forget how you got there in the first place, especially if you are riding a mountain bike and going a distance, which I love to do. Life is like that, and marriage too. I had a painful epiphany this last week, painful but productive. I realized that I am starting to forget my roots. Where we started as a couple, the Me I was when I first met Wade and the US we were.
It all started as I began to unpack our belongings that were in storage while we were in China for two years. It has taken us this long to really get all our things back into the same house again. Resettling after being out of the country for several years takes so much longer than you think it will, like so many other transitions we go through in life.
So I started unpacking and caught myself smiling from ear to ear when I realized how much of ‘my stuff’ I forgot about. I was especially moved by my artsy stuff and my planting stuff, the things that show my creative side. It made me smile but it also made me a little sad. When is the last time I sat down and just created something out of pure enjoyment, no assignment or lesson involved? It had been a while.
God always confirms it several different ways when he is trying to change something in us. So my husband and I were talking and he said, “Baby, I just want to see you so happy, like when we first met.” The only time he saw that girl is the times when we first found out we were pregnant. Then those four times we lost our baby to miscarriage he saw it leave again. He was trying to express to me how much he wanted to see me glow from the inside like I did when he first met me out of pure joy of life and love.
I realized that I have started to lose that person a little at a time. She became so focused on figuring out how to get the dream here, that she lost ME. WE became disjointed, the goal oriented one and the happy carefree one. Wade missed our roots, and I did too but I didn’t even realize it till the reminder happened. I was so focused on the goal… the destination that I had lost my enjoyment in the moments of the journey. That is not the real me, and Wade missed me.
Sure we will change over time, we will grow and transition, but we need desperately to hold on to that person God created us to be and the one our husbands fell in love with in the first place.
For me the change started with the loss of my pregnancies and the dream unfulfilled. For you it may be the opposite, it may be having kids and focusing on them has made you forget to be the carefree kid he met.
Maybe it is the stress of your job or just the disillusionment you have faced in marriage or aging.
Whatever it is, we don’t have to lose ourselves. We don’t have to lose the reason he saw us and was captured by us in the first place. He most likely won’t express that to you in words but he may be missing you. You may be missing you too!
So how do we recapture “that” us? Well, by going back and giving ourselves the time we used to, to just enjoy life. I made a promise to myself this week to belly laugh whenever I get the chance. To use my pastels this week, to plant something in my pretty pots and, to just breath life in. I don’t have to wait until my mountain has been moved to enjoy the view.
“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.” Mk 11:23
That is good and it is true but while we’re believing that God will do that miracle for us, we can’t lose ourselves.
While we wait for our destination, we can’t let ourselves miss the journey. Or lose ourselves to the waiting.
My wonderful mother in law gave me this placard when we went to China it said “the journey IS the Destination!” I have to remind myself of that truth every day, this life is passing us by so quickly and we have to enjoy every moment of our marriage. Enjoy him, and BE you. That is what God has for us if we let Him. Sometimes I am the real Mountain that needs to be moved. Get out of God’s way and let him bless you now, instead of losing yourself to waiting.
Also who better to remind us of the US we were created to be than the one who knows us best. “O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.” (Psalm 139:1-4 NLT) I have also promised myself to allow God to remind me weekly who I am. To spend time just smiling and enjoying the story that He is writing in my life, to look forward to JER 29:11, the plans he has for me, without missing out on today! Join me in my journey of recapturing myself and just see if it won’t bless him and spice up your marriage this week.

Love Celeste

Filed Under: Better Than Newlyweds Tagged With: joy in marriage, keeping it fresh, life, marriage, the journey

Hi, I’m Stacy!

I am married to the Love of my life... my Prince. We strive daily to have a marriage better than newlyweds. We want to know each other better than when we were first wed. We want to please God by serving each other. Marriage is so important as it represents the relationship between God and His church... we must protect it and fight for ours. Read More…

Good Reads for Your Marriage:

679599: The Love Dare The Love Dare
By Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick
{These are affiliate links but I truly believe these books would add value to your marriage.}

Recent Posts

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