“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
How has your day been? Did you have a good conversation with your husband? Have you managed to enjoy some downtime together after work?
This message has been weighing heavily on my heart these past few weeks. The message on choosing to love first. I pray for God to speak to you through these words as I type, knowing that only the Holy Spirit can convict and move our hearts.
He came home happily from work. There was dinner on the table, and he was about to change out from his work clothes so he could play with our baby daughter, Ellie. It was one of those typical days. Nothing very special about it. I cannot remember what happened after that, but there was a miscommunication of sorts, and I just snapped.
Yes, I was tired out from taking care of Ellie and yes, he may have been in the wrong.
But in that moment, I was annoyed and frustrated, very desperate for a bath, and so I snapped.
I was wrong too.
He was upset with me.
I was upset with myself too.
I berated myself with thoughts like, “Why can’t I just get this wife thing right? Why do I always feel like a lousy wife? Couldn’t I be more patient?”
But other thoughts would come up to counter these guilty feelings. “Why can’t he just learn to communicate better? Haven’t we read enough books or learned enough over the years? Why must I be the one to apologize first?”
Wives, can you relate?
When we are married to another imperfect person, why do we become surprised when their imperfections show? After all, we are full of sin and weaknesses too.
It is a choice that I’ve learned to constantly make. It does not matter who was right – that discussion can be done at a later time. But in every heated moment, there comes a choice that we must make – are you going to love first?
Choosing to Love First
When you love first, love becomes the priority, not whether he knows you were right all along.
When you love first, you give him the space to be an imperfect person. He does not feel the pressure to change, and he knows he is loved unconditionally by you.
When you make that powerful decision to love first, you are training your heart to be more like Christ. After all, Christ demonstrated such unmatchable love for us – by choosing to sacrifice and love us first.
The next time that you get into a tense moment with your husband, take a quiet moment with the Lord and pray for strength to love first. Reach out to touch his hand, look into his eyes and before you speak, remember the man you fell in love with. Believe that he is giving his best too, just like you. Take that step towards his heart, and know that God will instruct you in what to say for reconciliation to take place. 🙂
Smile, and reconnect.
Endure the uncomfortable feelings knowing that there is a greater reward on the other side.
Don’t miss the great wisdom that God wants you to witness through your obedience to love first.
Rest in the peace of knowing that you are exactly where you should be – in the loving arms of God, loving the one you have vowed to be there for, in good times and in bad.
Will you choose to fight for your marriage and love first today? I’m right there with you sister, and I am rooting for you.